tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50847340657905026112024-03-13T18:25:49.961+05:30Dream MentorsA grateful volunteer's tribute to Dream A Dream's unparalleled mentoring programRamesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-63755736539572800492012-10-09T14:39:00.001+05:302012-10-09T14:41:46.920+05:30Reflective Practice Session - Oct 7, 2012<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">How do
I connect with my mentee better? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
mentee does not </span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">seem interested. </span></h3>
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My
mentee does not talk to me much. I cannot reach my mentee.<o:p></o:p></span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Sometimes mentors have trouble establishing a
connection or rapport with their mentees as soon as we expect. And this can
lead to disappointment or frustration. </em></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>A mentoring relationship is different from
relationships we are used to. We normally do not pursue or stay in relationships
where we don’t get much feedback or reciprocation of efforts in in return for
our own efforts. So when one’s mentee does not open up, it makes a mentor’s
role tough. We wonder what’s wrong.</em></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><em></em></span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Many y</span></span><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">oung people take time
to build a rapport with a new person.</span> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A mentor is a new person in
their life and someone who is different than adults he/she is used to interacting
with.<o:p></o:p></span></span></em></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>How much a mentee
opens up also depends on his/her personality or self-esteem. Many are shy and
introverted. Many are intimidated by someone who’s different. Many are not used
to having an open interaction or relationship with an adult in the manner we
expect, since they are used a different form of interaction with adults at
school or home. So it may seem strange, confusing or intimidating.</em></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>In some cases,
mentees take time to understand the program and the concept of a mentor itself.
Despite being briefed by the partner staff it’s not an easy concept for young
people to process. Some sign up with just a vague idea of what to expect and still
carry some apprehensions and doubts. Some change their minds after a few
meetings. Some understand better only after a few meetings and discussions with
a mentor. </em></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Sometimes we may
need to customize the format of mentoring meetings to suit the needs or
personality of the mentee. Mentees who are shy may prefer less conversation and
shorter durations. Some may be more comfortable with activities rather than a
long conversation.</em></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>So this initial
induction may demand a lot more time and patience from the mentor. Sometimes
discussing these episodes at Reflective Practice Sessions can help.<o:p></o:p></em></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>If the mentee does
not seem interested, and things don’t move forward after several attempts, we
let go. There is then the option of working with a different mentee who seeks
help within the program. Dream A Dream will support the mentor through this
process.</em></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>As mentors, all
we can really do, is offer an opportunity and demonstrate for some time
our commitment and then allow the mentee to decide if he/she wants to make use
of it. <o:p></o:p></em></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Sumith<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ashwin mentors Sumith, a 14 year old boy who
lives in a slum near Bommanahalli in Bangalore. They have known each other for
a month now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sumith goes to a Kannada medium high school
and is in his 9<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>th</sup> Std. His father is coconut vendor and his mother
works at a garments factory. They are both daily wage earners. He has an older
sister who is in PUC. She is good at academics and Sumith and his parents are
proud of her. He looks up to her. He looked much younger that his age and
seemed physically smaller.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ashwin noticed that Sumith was very cautious
at meetings. Ashwin found it difficult to carry on a conversation with Sumith
as he spoke very little and shared very little. When Ashwin asked what Sumith
would like to do, he would say ‘anything you say’. He seemed impatient or
uncomfortable at meetings and wanted to leave soon. It seemed like he wanted to
go with his friends or didn’t want to be seen with Ashwin. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ashwin found it hard to reach Sumith on the
phone as the number he had, was that of his father. Most of the time his father
would be out at work. So Ashwin would request the father to pass on the message
to Sumith to call back. But Sumith would never call back. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">One day Ashwin came 20 minutes late to a
scheduled meeting. But Sumith wasn’t there. A few friends of Sumith mentioned
that he had waited for some time and since Ashwin didn’t come he left. It has
been hard to schedule meetings since.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ashwin felt that maybe Sumith does not really
want to meet him or talk to him. Maybe he was avoiding him. He wonders if there
is a way to connect with Sumith.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions
from the Group<o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></u></div>
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</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It’s frustrating and disappointing when one’s mentee does not open up or
seem excited to see you. It happens to a lot of mentors. Some young people take
more time that we expect, to build a rapport with a new person. Maybe Ashwin just
needs more time with Sumith. Maybe it’s too early.</span></span></i></div>
</li>
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<li><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It may be a good idea to use validation levels 3, 4 & 5, to check if
meeting in school and his friends/peers being around makes it uncomfortable for
him. Would he like it if they met outside school instead? </span></span></i></li>
</ul>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span></span></i><br />
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<li><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Maybe he still does not know what to really expect from these meetings.
So a conversation to explain Ashwin’s role and how he can help Sumith may work.
Ashwin could also list a few options of activities and allow Sumith to pick
what he wants to do in the next meeting. It may also be a good idea to ask if
he really wants to continue.</span></span></i></li>
</ul>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span></span></i><br />
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<li><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ashwin could find an alternative contact number with the help of Dream A
Dream staff since it’s not easy getting through to Sumith on the current
number.</span></span></i></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Dinakar<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Prabhanjan mentors Dinakar, a 14 year old boy
who lives in a slum in Roopena Agrahara in Bangalore. They have known each
other for a month now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Dinakar goes to a Kannada medium high school
and is in his 9<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>th</sup> Std. His father is driver and his mother works as
a housemaid. They are both daily wage earners. He has an older sister and
brother. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Prabhanjan noticed that Dinakar was very shy
and avoided eye contact and looked down. He always chose a secluded spot in the
school for the meetings. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Dinakar spoke very little. Prabhanjan
mentioned that he would try to ask questions to keep the conversation going. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he usually gets brief one word or one line
answers.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">He learned that Dinakar did not really know
what he wanted to do after high school. He seemed to have a vague idea about a
diploma course. But nothing further. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Interestingly Dinakar sought Prabhanjan’s
help for a few subjects in school – English, Math, and Science. They went
through some books. They also practiced some English but Dinakar soon gave up.
He was finding it difficult. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Dinakar did not turn up at the next meeting.
He said he had to go to temple. He then requested they meet after 2 weeks as he
has extra classes. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When Prabhanjan inquired if they could meet
outside the school, Dinakar said no. He said that his friends would see him and
make fun of them. So he said he wanted to meet only in school and for 10
minutes or shorter durations.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Whenever Prabhanjan tries to reach his mentee
on the phone he does not get through and he does not call back either.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">He tried to find an interest area by
inquiring what movies he likes or sports…etc but Dinakar generally says he is
not interested in those topics. Prabhanjan has had no success in finding a
common interest area. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Prabhanjan shared that he feels his mentee
seems like he wants to avoid him or does not like him and tends to be
closed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wonders if there is any way
to connect better with Dinakar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions
from the Group<o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></u></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It’s frustrating and disappointing when one’s mentee does not open up or
seem excited to see you. It happens to a lot of mentors. Some young people take
more time that we expect, to build a rapport with a new person. Some are shy
and introverted by nature. Maybe Prabhanjan just needs more time to earn his
trust.</span> </span></span></i></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It nice to see that Prabhanjan was patient and attempted different ways
to connect.</span></span></i></div>
</li>
</ul>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sometimes too many closed questions and ‘why’ leads to short brief
responses. Maybe Prabhanjan could attempt simpler open ended questions and use
validation levels 3,4,5. </span></span></i></div>
</li>
</ul>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Many young people who are shy would normally avoid situations where long
conversation is involved. Especially with a new person. Sometimes it’s because
others are watching.</span></span></i></div>
</li>
</ul>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It’s important that as
mentors, we get used to the silence or long pauses. We could also try shorter
meetings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over time, the length of the
meetings could gradually be increased by a few minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The alternative, maybe, ‘doing’ some activity,
and not pushing for conversation. ‘Less talking, more doing’. This way he gets
to feel comfortable in Prabhanjan’s presence. Some activities are listed in the
blog. Prabhanjan could let his mentee pick an activity from 3-4 options. This
way they both know what to expect in the next meeting.</span></span></i></div>
</li>
</ul>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For now it makes sense to meet at the school until he is
comfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Prabhanjan could use
validation levels 3, 4 & 5, to let him know he understands Dinakar’s
challenge with friends/peers making fun of him. </span></span></i></div>
</li>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000;"></span> </div>
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Prabhanjan could try and check if
there is an alternative venue in Dinakar’s mind, somewhere they could meet
without </span></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">his friends seeing or
making fun.</span> </span></i></span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Prabhanjan could check with Dream A Dream to find alternative contact
numbers if the current number is hard to get through.</span></span></i></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Mustaq<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></u></b></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Rupak mentors Mustaq, a 17 year old boy who
lives in a slum in Bismillanagar in Bangalore. They have known each other for a
month now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Mustaq goes to high school and is in his 10<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>th</sup>
Std. He lives with his parents, an older brother, sister and younger brother. His
father is truck driver and truck mechanic. His teachers mention that he does
get into trouble in school with teachers and other kids. He has a history of
getting into fights.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Mustaq came late to his first meeting. He was
quite anxious and wondered if he was the only one. He seemed unsure of what to
expect from the meeting. But Rupak managed to explain his role. They discussed
things Mustaq wanted to do after high school. He seemed to be a little
confused. He mentioned working with the army, or software company or start his
own shop. They decided to work further on his goals and plans in the next
meeting.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Mustaq requested they meet outside school.
Rupak agreed and said he would call and confirm.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">They did not meet next week as Rupak could
not get through to Mustaq to confirm the meeting. He tried again next week but
still found it hard to reach him on the number given.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When he checked with the school he wasn’t
there. </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Eventually Rupak managed to reach Mustaq on
his phone and they planned to meet that Saturday at 3.00pm. When Rupak tried to
confirm the day of the meeting he could not reach him on his phone. He left a
message at his school. But when he called up again at the end of school hours
at 12.00pm, he had already left. So they didn’t meet.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Rupak does not know how to proceed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions
from the Group:</strong></span></span></u></div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sometimes the coordination and scheduling is a lot harder than we
initially expect it to be. </span>It <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">may be frustrating and confusing. It takes time
for both mentors and mentees to settle into a pattern.</span></span></span></i></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: Trebuchet MS;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i></span> </div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Maybe it’s a matter of simplifying schedules. Just plan a day and time a
week in advance and just turn up rather than re-confirming on the phone and checking
too many times.</span></span></i></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Maybe he does not like waiting at the school. He seemed to not like the
environment. He does have a history of having trouble at school. So maybe he
left school that day as he had to wait 3 hours till the scheduled meeting.
Maybe he would have turned up.</span></span></i></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rupak could check with Dream A
Dream to find alternative contact numbers if the current number is hard to get
through.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></div>
</li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></o:p></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><strong>*Names of youth have been
changed to protect their identity <o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-82267488559146052932012-10-07T13:20:00.002+05:302012-10-07T13:40:53.247+05:30Reflective Practice Session - Sept 30, 2012<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;"></span></span></span></u></b> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Shafiq</span></span></span></u></b></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span></o:p></span></u></b><br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ketan mentors Shafiq a 17 year old boy from a
slum in Bommanahalli in Bangalore. Shafiq lives with his parents, younger
brother and sister who are also in school. His father is a daily wage worker
and auto-driver. He has an older brother who dropped out of school and is
married and lives separate. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ketan has been mentoring Shafiq for 6 months
now. Ketan met Shafiq when he was pursing his 10<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>h</sup> std. and getting
ready for his final exams. His high school teachers revealed that he was a poor
student and struggled with academics.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ketan felt that they managed to break the ice
quite early and there was a rapport building between them and they met often.
He also managed to meet Shafiq’s family early on.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The initial conversations led to Shafiq
sharing about his challenge with Math and English that he was attending extra
classes to help him improve. He seemed to want to live up to his family’s
expectation and do well in his studies. Shafiq shared that he was nervous and
anxious about his exams. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></o:p></span> </div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ketan could not meet Shafiq since his final
exams in April. A month down the line, when Ketan spoke to Shafiq, he shared
that he cleared his exams. Later, when they were to meet, Shafiq didn’t show up.
When Ketan tried to reach Shafiq, he couldn’t but managed to speak to his
father. His father revealed that Shafiq failed two subjects in his final exams.
Ketan was surprised Shafiq lied to him. He wasn’t sure whether to confront him
about it or not. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For a while Ketan could not reach Shafiq. For
2 months, Ketan did not contact Shafiq and Shafiq did not reach out to him
either. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></o:p></span> </div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Then one day, Shafiq reached out to Ketan. He
now had a cellphone and shared that he was doing a diploma course. Ketan did
not probe further or inquire about his high school exams. But then Shafiq
mentioned that his family had been going through some difficult times. It
seemed like he was trying to explain being distant and out of contact. There
were some feuds going on between his father and his elder brother over
property. He also mentioned that his elder brother would beat him sometimes.
Ketan and Shafiq agreed to meet soon.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ketan was a bit confused about Shafiq not
being honest and if what he says is true and if he will turn up. But he wished
to continue mentoring Shafiq. He sought some advice on how to approach Shafiq
now.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions
from the Group<o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></u></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The group felt that it’s understandable than Ketan was apprehensive about confronting Shafiq and the subsequent distance. </span></span></i></li>
<li><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">However, perhaps Ketan should give Shafiq a chance the benefit of doubt and still go ahead and meet him. Perhaps there are reasons why Shafiq kept things to himself or didn’t turn up at the last meeting. Maybe he didn’t know how to talk about failure and felt embarrassed. Maybe his family issues kept him occupied.</span></span></i></li>
</ul>
<em><span style="color: #660000; font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span></em><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ketan could try re-visiting
the episode and attempt validation levels 3, 4 and 5 and discuss failures and
set -backs in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And find out what Shafiq
is doing now. If he closes up, we could stop and try later when he is ready to
talk about it.</span></span></i></li>
</ul>
<em><span style="color: #660000; font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span></em><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It’s important that Ketan tries to talk to Shafiq again to understand
his family’s recent challenges and his elder brother’s behaviour towards him. To
understand how Shafiq copes with it. If it was a one-time incident or if there
is a pattern of violence at home. Depending on this we may need further
discussion or think of an intervention.</span></span></i></li>
</ul>
<em><span style="color: #660000; font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span></em><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">If Ketan is apprehensive about how honest Shafiq is, a simple way to
verify things would be during a casual visit home to meet his family without
appearing like Ketan was ‘checking up’ on Shafiq. Or casual conversation with
his father on the phone since the family is already familiar with Ketan.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><u><strong>Rachna</strong></u></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Shalini mentors Rachna a 17 year old girl
from a slum in Roopena Agrahara in Bangalore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Rachna lives with her parents, younger brother and older sister. His
father is a daily wage worker and truck-driver. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Shalini has been mentoring Rachna for 6
months now. Shalini met Rachna when she was pursing her 10<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>h</sup> std. and
getting ready for her final exams. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Rachna seemed very
open to sharing her challenges at home. While Rachna wanted to study further
after high school, her father was against it. Her mother was supportive and
wanted her to study further. Her uncle and father would constantly suggest she
get married after high school. This became a constant reason for fights between
Rachna’s parents at home. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">After her exams Rachna
worked for some time as a garment factory worker.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Rachna’s mother
suggested she move to a hostel and go to junior college. She even sought
Shalini’s help looking for such options. Rachna’s eventually cleared her 10<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>th</sup>
final exams. Shalini offered to talk to her family if needed, but it never came
up. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Quite often
Shalini noticed that Rachna came late to meetings. Sometimes she would forget
and need to be reminded. But on the other hand, she seemed quite eager to meet
and talk to Shalini.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Later Shalini
learned that Rachna’s father agreed to allow Rachna to continue pursing junior
college. Rachna did not move out to a hostel. Rachna asked for some help with
money for college fees and Shalini agreed an amount of Rs.500. She started
attending junior college. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Thereafter Rachna
did not turn up at a few scheduled meetings. She was also hard to reach on the
phone as she would call from a different number and the number constantly
changed every 2-3 weeks. Many at times it would be the number of a relative.
The last 2 months, there has been no success contacting Rachna.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Shalini now feels
that she may not be able to continue and wishes to discontinue the
relationship. She is not sure if it’s possible to meet Rachna. She wonders if
she is interested. She’s felt disconnected for few months.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions
from the Group<o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></u></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span></o:p></span></u><br /></div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The group agreed that is tough to feel excited and continue mentoring when one’s mentee is hard to reach or meet. It is frustrating.</span></span></i></li>
</ul>
<em><span style="color: #660000; font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span></em><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It’s okay if Shalini wants to end mentoring if things are not moving further. She has tried to be there for 6 months.</span></span></i></li>
</ul>
<em><span style="color: #660000; font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span></em><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The group suggested that Shalini make a last attempt in locating Rachna’s home and paying a visit and Dream A Dream will support. This will offer an opportunity to communicate ending of the mentoring term and give Shalini and Rachna some closure.</span></span></i></li>
</ul>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Despite things not working off late, Shalini has tried her best to be
there for her mentee through difficult times. Maybe she is doing better now.
Maybe it’s a good thing that we are not needed. Moving on in life and being
less dependent, maybe that’s a good outcome.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Khouser<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></u></b></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span></o:p></span></u></b> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Preethi mentors Khouser an 18 year old girl
from a slum in Adugodi in Bangalore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Khouser
lives with her mother, younger brother and older brother. She also has an older
sister who lives with relatives. She was raised by a single mother who is a
garment factory worker. Her brothers are daily wage workers mostly working as
auto or car drivers. She is attending junior PU college.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Preethi has been mentoring Khouser for 6
months now. When Preethi met Khouser she was pursing getting ready for her 1<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>st</sup>
year PUC exams. So they spent the first few weeks discussing her preparations
for exams and going over question papers. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Khouser started opening up to Preethi quite
early. Besides things at college they would discuss her interest in karate. Khouser
has been attending karate classes at her community center for a year. She also
participated in tournaments and won prizes at national and district level
competitions. But her brothers and relatives are against it; her mother however,
is supportive. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A few years back she also used to attend
football sessions at Dream A Dream but her family advised her to drop out as it
got late when she got back and needed her to wear a uniform.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Her brothers and relatives have always
suggested marriage and discontinuing education. But her mother supported her
decision to continue junior college. Also since her older sister resisted
marriage it in a way motivated her to resist as well.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">One of the other challenges that came up was
coping with the stress of academics in junior college. Khouser came from a
Kannada medium high school. The transition to English medium has been very
difficult. She was struggling. One of the things Preethi suggested was
approaching the college professors to change 1-2 difficult subjects to easier
ones and the other was exploring change of college. Eventually Khouser decided
to try to change her subjects. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A few months back Khouser got a chance to
compete in a national karate tournament. It was in a different state. Her
brothers and relatives were against her competing. She also needed some money
to participate and travel. Eventually her mother and aunt helped and she
competed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Preethi found Khouser always eager to meet
and talk on the phone. From time to time she mentions the pressure from her
uncle and relatives to get her married and conversations about ending education
and moving out of Bangalore post her PU college. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Preethi plans to continue mentoring Khouser
for another 6 months. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Khouser now has another opportunity to
compete a national tournament in December but doesn’t know how to raise enough
money to go. Preethi wonders what she can do. She thinks maybe approaching the
college or her community center or talking to mother could help. But her real
name and the names on her certificates are different,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions
from the Group<o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></u></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span></o:p></span></u><br /></div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The group agreed that, Preethi suggesting different options rather than offer money directly to Khouser, was the right approach. Preethi being there through the tough times would have definitely given Khouser some confidence to keep trying and staying positive.</span></span></i></div>
</li>
</ul>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Some of the options the group felt Preethi could help Khouser with:-</span></span></span></i></div>
</li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 1.25in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> <span style="color: #660000;"> </span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Preethi could try to collect
more details about her karate tournaments (if they are private run tournaments
or affiliated to local government bodies).</span> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">To explore if Khouser is eligible
for government or other sports scholarships.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 1.25in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Help or prepare Khouser to
approach the college principal or sports department</span> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">for financial support.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 1.25in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Preethi could talk to other
karate instructors or teachers in her network to learn more about such tournaments
and opportunities available for Khouser</span>.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 1.25in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Since there are 4 months till
her tournament, Preethi could discuss part-time work options with Khouser and
her mother. This may help her raise enough money on her own.</span> <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 1.25in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Preethi could also link Khouser
to DreamConnect Center for support or guidance</span> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">on part-time work.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Somanna<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></u></b></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Rakesh mentors Somanna, a 16 year old boy
from a slum in Koramangala in Bangalore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Somanna lives with his parents and older sister. His father is a daily
wage worker and an auto-rickshaw driver. His mother sometimes works as a
housemaid. Somanna is a school drop-out. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Rakesh has been mentoring Somanna for 6
months. They met when Somanna was in high school in his 10<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>th</sup> std. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Early on, Somanna shared that he had his
challenges with his upcoming high school final exams. He sought help and Rakesh
spent time helping him with Science and Math. Rakesh noticed that Somanna had
trouble processing information, remembering things and had poor reading skills.
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Rakesh noticed that Somanna had two close
friends who he spent a lot of time with. They seemed to do everything together.
The three of them planned to join the same junior college (PUC) after high
school. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">After his final exams, he went to his native
place in Tamil Nadu for a few days. When he returned his he learned he had
failed for subjects in his final exams. He shared this with Rakesh and sought
some help for his re-exams which were a month later. Rakesh found out that his two
friends had also failed the final exams. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Somanna started working part-time at a retail
shop. He seemed to like his work. Rakesh shared that although they spoke on the
phone it was getting difficult to meet Somanna. He seemed to be busy with work.
Somanna did not turn up for a few scheduled meetings. Rakesh would however
follow up with his family or talk to Somanna on the phone.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">During one of these conversations Rakesh
advised Somanna try to focus on his re-exams and complete his high school. Somanna
revealed that his father wanted him to work. Rakesh attempted to meet Somanna
once at his workplace but Somanna was not too keen on him coming there. Somanna
promised he would meet after his exams in August. But there has been no contact
for 2 months. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Rakesh is now considering moving on and
closing the mentoring relationship after 2 months. He does not know if he
should try to re-connect or end the relationship. He feels that Somanna needs
to finish school and pursue education if he wants to do well in life, but
wonders why Somanna is not keen on listening to him or speaking to him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions
from the Group<o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></u></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The group agreed that one would feel
frustrated if the mentee is hard to reach and does not follow through on
advice.</span> </span></i><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
</li>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">The group suggested that since Rakesh is
available for another 2 months, that he could try and re-connect again and
find out a little more about his current situation and if Somanna wished
to continue. If he seems un-interested Rakesh is free to end the
relationship.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Rakesh is right to feel that finishing
high school and further education is important for Somanna and needs to be
his priority. But maybe we need to try to understand things more from Somanna’s
perspective. Sometimes when we constantly offer advice, it pushes young
people away.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="circle"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo2; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Maybe Somanna has serious trouble with
academics and does not feel confident about his abilities and fears he
will not get through his exam. Maybe he is avoiding the prospect of failure
again. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="circle"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo2; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Maybe there is no one at home who
encourages him to pursue education. He did mention his father wanted him
to work.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="circle"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo2; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Maybe working gives him some sense of
achievement or self-esteem that he cannot find with education. Maybe it
offers his some respect in his family. Maybe it offers him an escape from
life.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="circle"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo2; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Maybe his family really needs him to
work as they have financial difficulties and need support.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="circle"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo2; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Maybe this is a temporary plan till he
attempts his exams next year. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="circle"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo2; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Maybe he is embarrassed about meeting
Rakesh.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="circle"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo2; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Maybe Somanna has trouble coping with
these changes in his life and moving forward.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="circle"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo2; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Maybe he feels left out after people he
knows have moved on. There is no information about his friends.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">The group suggested that Rakesh try to
find out Somanna’s work timings and plan meetings at his home or near his
home or near his workplace. Something more convenient for Somanna.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">The group suggested that Rakesh hold
back advice for now and just meet Somanna to understand his situation and
offer validation levels 3, 4, 5 and some encouragement. To let him know
that Rakesh understands his situation and will not judge him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Perhaps Rakesh could attempt a different
topic of discussion or activity that Somanna is interested in to engage
him. Some ideas are listed in the blog.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></o:p></span></i> </div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Ameena<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></u></b></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Christine mentors Ameena who lives near a
slum in Wilson Garden in Bangalore. Ameena lives with her parents and three
younger sisters. Her father used to work at a cloth shop. Now it is unclear
what his occupation is. For a while he was unemployed. Fatima is in high school
in 10<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>th</sup> Std.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Christine has been mentoring Ameena for 6
months now. Early on, Christine started meeting Ameena at her home. The family
along with other Muslim families decided not to send their girls to the local
community center they used to go to. There were concerns about girls
interacting with boys at the community center. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Christine initially found it difficult to get
time along with Ameena as her father or family members would always be around.
They were not keen on Ameena going out. So Christine continued to have her
conversations with Ameena at her home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Most of the conversations were casual conversations and revolved around
school. She had trouble with Hindi and English in school. Sometimes they would
go over her books.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">During many of these meetings, her father
spent time talking to Christine and asked her questions. It seemed that the
family was apprehensive of Christine’s background and her influence. The father
seemed to dominate conversations and Ameena or his wife would not speak in his
presence. Sometimes he intervened in conversations, Christine would be having
with Ameena and spoke on her behalf. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Christine scheduled meetings over the phone
through Ameena’s father. It was hard to get Ameena on the phone.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Christine realized that it was a very
conservative patriarchal Muslim family. Christine prepared well for this and
even changed her attire to fit in. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Interestingly, Ameena’s father seemed to tell
Christine than he wanted his daughters to have an education and finish school. Christine
wondered how the family managed if the father was unemployed. She felt the
family was being supported by relatives and maybe they were conservative. Many
Muslim families are under the scrutiny of the relatives and they had a strong
say in what the family did.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The family was always polite to Christine and
treated her as a guest and served refreshments. Christine noticed that Ameena’s
mother spoke very little. Her father once mentioned that Ameena has a bad
temper and tends to bully the younger sisters. Christine agreed and noticed the
same.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">During one of her conversations with Ameena,
she revealed that she found it difficult to express herself freely at home. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She did not really elaborate further. But it
seemed hard for Ameena or Christine to carry on conversation for long.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Christine once attempted to meet Ameena at
her school. She thought this might offer some privacy away from her father to
allow her to speak more freely. She brought a dictionary to help Ameena with
English and Hindi. But she was very uncomfortable. Christine thought maybe it
was because other friends and her sisters were around. She requested Christine
meet her at home here on. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></o:p></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For 2 months they did not meet. Ameena was
away visiting her grandmother and relatives. Christine wondered if Ameena or
her family was avoiding her. Then for a while Christine was away for personal
work. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When she tried to contact Ameena, her father
requested to postpone the meeting as he was unwell.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></o:p></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Thereafter Christine met her again at home.
They discussed how to go about getting documentation for identity proofs, age
or address proofs and how it helps. She carried some documents of her own to
show Ameena. She seemed interested.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Christine plans to meet her again in a few
weeks after her school exams. She plans to continue mentoring Ameena for
another 5 months unless Ameena or her parents feel otherwise.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions
from the Group<o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></u></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">The group felt that Christine had tried
her best given the difficult circumstances in which she had to meet her
mentee. They appreciated her perseverance and patience with her mentee and
family. Anyone would feel constricted in such an environment when a family
member supervises meetings and if there was a lot of scrutiny. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></div>
</li>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">The group felt that Christine could try
more ‘doing’ activities listed in the blog to keep Ameena engaged if
conversation becomes monotonous or restricted. Her idea of talking about
identity proofs seem to work.</span></span></span></i></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Since the father likes to oversee things,
it makes sense to keep him in the loop about the nature of activity, so he
feels he is in the picture. He seems to want this. Maybe he will start to
offer some space if he knows in advance what the activity is. This will
certainly be hard. Until he seems open maybe activities involving going
out could be kept on hold.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Maybe he wants to project a certain
positive image to an outsider and is afraid his daughter may say something
about the family. Or maybe he wants to keep an eye because he is worried
what the neighbours or relatives may say.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Maybe it’s a good idea to also have
short casual conversations with the mother and build a relationship. Maybe
it will offer more information about the father and how things are at
home.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></li>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></ul>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em> <span style="font-size: x-small;">** Names of mentees have been changed to protect their identity</span></em><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></span></o:p></div>
</div>
Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-75873048168113863092012-10-07T12:44:00.004+05:302012-10-07T12:58:36.173+05:30Reflective Practice Session - Aug 26, 2012<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: left;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Rahul</span></span></u></b><br />
</div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sridhar mentors Rahul,
a 17 year old who lives in a slum in Siddhapura, Jayanagar. He has been
mentoring Rahul for 6 months now. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Rahul’s father
works as daily wage worker, doing laundry work. He has three elder brothers and
one sister. His elder brothers are also daily wage workers. Rahul finished his
PUC recently. He is the only person in his family pursuing education after high
school. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When Sridhar met
him, he realized that Rahul was a very shy person who spoke very little. He
also seemed to have very few friends. Rahul had plans for finding a part-time
job to help him continue his education. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Rahul liked to
walk long distances. He would normally walk from Jayanagar to Koramangala to
visit a youth center run by Dream A Dream. He liked to read Tamil and Kannada books.
He also liked watching movies and listening to Tamil and Kannada music.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Rahul did some
part-time work on and off in small retail shop. He would also help his father
with his laundry work.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The initial
conversations led to discussions about his academics. He revealed that he was
nervous about his exams. Sridhar had many conversations around Rahul’s
apprehensions regarding his academics. English was a subject that he found very
difficult. He wanted to become a police officer. Rahul had many questions on
pursuing a college degree.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Gradually Sridhar
learnt that Rahul was very interested in computers and mobile phones was
attending computer course at a youth center run by Dream A Dream. So they would
often discuss new applications, uses of software, internet websites and
features of phones or computers.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">Rahul finished his PUC exams and thereafter had
many questions about pursuing a college degree. Sridhar and Rahul had
discussions around different educational options post PUC and career options
and vocational training. Rahul was initially inclined towards vocational or IT
courses. </span>Eventually,
Rahul decided to do his Bachelor’s Degree in Commerce. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">He
aspires to work in a large MNC company and take care of his parents. He also
wishes to someday buy some land a build a house. Rahul also aspires to be
become a police officer. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Since
Rahul expressed he was keen to learn more applications of the internet, they
explored booking of railway tickets and KSRTC bus tickets online, opening an
online account, how to learn about timings, route or fares…etc.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sridhar
and Rahul discussed how to go about opening a savings bank account, the
difference between a savings account and a salary account and also demonstrated
internet banking. Sridhar also talked about debit and credit cards and using
the ATM. Rahul planned to help his father set up an online banking account. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">They
also worked together on creating a CV and using an online job website. They
discussed part-time job opportunities and how to look for these opportunities. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: small;">Sridhar
mentioned that he plans to close his mentoring term this month and needed some
suggestions on going about this. He was also concerned about Rahul’s ability to
make friends and whether this would become a problem. Although Rahul started going
to college he didn’t seem to have new friends. He always seemed lonely. Sridhar
did have some conversation in the past about making friends and how that helps
one in life.</span> <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions
from the Group<o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></u></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000;">The group felt that Sridhar and Rahul had come a long way since they
started. Despite Rahul’s trouble with making conversation and his shy nature,
Sridhar kept meeting him, trying different things and conversations to keep him
interested and engaged. Example, identifying Rahul’s interest for internet and
computers…etc. </span></span></i></span>
</div>
</li>
</ul>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
</ul>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: left;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This would have made Rahul
comfortable enough to open up, eventually leading to him initiating conversations
and seeking support on different issues.</span></span></span></i></div>
</li>
</ul>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
</ul>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">With regard to closure, perhaps it’s good to discuss this with Rahul and
spread this conversation across 2-3 meetings to allow him time to understand.</span></i></span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">a) It’s important that Rahul understands what closure means. Help Rahul re-call the program duration and initial commitment made, how long it’s been and recall some of the things they managed to accomplish in that time. That they will have another 2-3 meetings before the term ends. Thereafter, he may not be available to meet and talk as often as before as he has to give his time for work and personal commitments. But he will be reachable on the phone if Rahul really needs to talk about something or alternatively, he can reach out to Dream A Dream. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">b) This conversation will need a lot of validation keeping in mind possible anxiety and confusion about your relationship. What happens now? Why are you leaving? Did I do something wrong?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">c) Sridhar could offer re-visit Rahul’s goals and aspirations for the next few months or year and have a discussion around this and let him know that he can achieve them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></i></div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">The group shared that, it’s understandable Sridhar would be concerned about Rahul’s inability to make friends and how this would affect him in college in the future. We may not be able to change Rahul’s inherent nature and should ideally be accepting of the way Rahul is. But Sridhar could try and understand more about Rahul’s preference to be with himself. Maybe validate and clarify.</span></i></span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 1.25in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">Maybe he is worried/afraid that others would not accept him or look at him differently – his clothes, appearance, his background vs other young people in college.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 1.25in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">Maybe he has trouble trusting new people.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 1.25in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">Maybe he is uncomfortable around girls.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 1.25in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">Maybe he is worried about spending money or family restrictions….etc<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 1.25in; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></i></div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sridhar could use Level 3, 4
and 5 validation. Sridhar could share how friendships have helped him in life
(work or college or personal life) and how he himself overcame similar
challenges when he was young. That’s the best that we could do.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Mamatha</span></span></u></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif";"><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span></o:p></span></u></b><br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Shilpa mentors Mamatha,
17 year old girl, who lives in a slum in Roopena Agrahara. Shilpa has been
mentoring Mamatha for 6 months now. Mamatha lives with her brother, mother and
grandparents. Mother works as a daily wage construction worker and her elder
brother also works to support the family. Her father had died when she was
young. Family is supportive education. Since mother and brother work, she does
most of the cooking and household work before and after school. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When Shilpa
started mentoring Mamatha, she was in high school in 10<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>th</sup> std. During
initial conversations, she was anxious and spoke little. Gradually she started
opening up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shilpa offered a lot of
validation when Mamatha talked about her father and how she missed him. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shilpa noticed that Mamatha always turned up
for meetings and was eager to talk to her.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Mamatha had some
trouble with Math in high school. Although Shilpa offered to help, she didn’t
seek help. They continued to have meetings and casual conversations. After high
school, Mamatha hoped to continue her education and do her PUC in Arts. Mamatha
also liked to talk about Shilpa’s life and her daughter. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">During her exams,
it seemed like managing household work and cooking was causing a lot of stress
for Mamatha. It was taking a lot of time away from her preparations and study. Mamatha
mentioned she was worried about Math, English and Hindi. Shilpa tied to offer
validation and shared her even trouble with Math when she was a kid. Shilpa
also spent some time discussing with Mamatha some tips on how to go about with
her exams.</span> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">At most of their
meetings, Shilpa encouraged and appreciated her for working hard and being
positive despite her challenges. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When they had a
discussion on computer skills, Mamatha revealed that she was also going to free
computer classes near her house and shared that she found it helpful.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When asked what
her future plans were, Mamatha could not really articulate, so Shilpa spend a
few meetings discussing career and education options after high school. Mamatha
was not very sure what she wanted to do. She just seemed like she wanted a desk
job, but did not have any idea as to how to go about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shilpa suggested she go to DreamConnect
Center for career counseling.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Mamatha’s 10<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>th</sup>
exams results came out and she learnt that she did not clear 2 subjects. Shilpa
tried to console her and encourage her. She decided to re-appear for her
supplementary exams. Mamatha eventually managed to clear her 2 subjects. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Shilpa accompanied
Mamatha to DreamConnect Center for career counseling. They discussed various
career and education options after high school and PUC. She decided to pursue a
PUC in Arts at a Govt. College. Although it was 2 months late, she managed to
join a college with the support of her elder brother. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Mamatha seems to
be doing fine with the transition to PU College. But she says she does not have
many friends at college. Her high school friends now started to drift apart as
they go to different colleges. A few times Mamatha asked if Shilpa could take
her out somewhere or a movie. Shilpa agreed to plan for an outing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">These days Shilpa
feels unsure about approaching further conversations and what to talk about
now. Mamatha seems to be doing fine and there does not seem to be any apparent
problem that she expresses. So wonders if she is making any difference. She
also thinks maybe it’s time for a closure since it’s been 6 months. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<u><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions
from the Group<o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></u></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>
</strong></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<u><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; text-decoration: none;"></span></o:p></span></u> </div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #660000;">The group suggested Shilpa try a similar plan discussed for Sridhar’s
mentee earlier. Shilpa could try and understand more about Mamatha’s trouble
making friends. Shilpa could use Level 3, 4 and 5 validation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How friendships have helped Shilpa in her
life (work or college or personal life) and how she herself overcame similar
challenges when she was young. <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">With regard to closure, Shilpa is free to close the mentoring
relationship if availability is an issue or if she feels Mamatha may not need
further mentoring. However, it’s important to have clarity and be sure within
next few weeks.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">About how to engage Mamatha better and approaching further
conversations, Shilpa could attempt a few activities listed on the blog which
involve doing things or going out. This seems to be something Mamatha already
seeks. It’s understandable that Shilpa feels casual conversation was getting
monotonous or less engaging.</span></i><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Many mentors do go through a similar phase
after a period of mentoring.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></span></div>
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Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-67879752984458797952012-09-04T14:09:00.001+05:302012-09-04T14:12:27.193+05:30Be a Mentor <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This is a video about Mentoring young people and the Dream Mentoring Program. Thanks for WriteClick and Morph Digital Solutions for helping us create this. We love it :)<br />
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We hope this will help encourage more volunteers to sign up as mentors and volunteer with projects that work with young people.<br />
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Take a look and let us know what you think:-<br />
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24HqSC9antg" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?<wbr></wbr>v=24HqSC9antg</a><br />
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Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-22996278465418625962012-09-04T13:28:00.002+05:302012-09-04T13:31:58.426+05:30The July-Aug Cycle Begins<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">After a lot of effort to attempt a second cycle in a year, the Dream Mentoring Program started its July-Aug cycle. This allows Dream A Dream to offer mentors for 100 young people in a year across two cycles - July-Aug & Jan-Feb.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">With the help of Dr. David Pearson and Dr. Fiona Kennedy, we have been able to invest in building a certified training team. We hope this will help us expand the reach of the program to more young people in the future.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">We now have 32 mentors mentoring this cycle. This includes 26 newly trained volunteer mentors and 6 former volunteers mentors returned to mentoring again this cycle. These volunteer mentors are being matched with young people across 3 different partner centers and begin their mentoring term. </span></div>
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Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-1193036230438177712012-09-04T12:53:00.003+05:302012-09-13T13:52:01.278+05:30Class of July- Aug 2012<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">26 volunteers completed their Mentor Training across 4 days in July- Aug 2012. Certified Mentor Trainers from Dream A Dream, Suchetha Bhat and Nilisha Mohapatra led the training. The training was conducted at Mobilty India 's Rehabilitation center in J.P Nagar, Bangalore.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The training focused on child development, child psychology and skills practice relevant for <span class="il">mentoring</span>
vulnerable young people of the age group 14-18 years. The Mentor Manual authored by Dr. David Pearson and Dr. Fiona Kennedy helped the volunteers immensely through the training.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">As always, the training sesssions were enriched by questions and debates about working with young people and using validation, re-inforcements or punishment. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Role plays and case studies were hilarious and offered amazing amount of learning.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"<em>The role play sessions were the most useful ones and also when members shared some experiences or perspectives. Despite being somewhat artificial, most of us tried to understand how to react to those type of situations. I liked the Mentor Manual's simple language, and not trying to cover too much of theory are the best parts</em>", said Dhinakaran, a participant.</span></div>
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Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-88101558507958284332012-05-01T12:25:00.001+05:302012-05-01T12:33:27.078+05:30Reflective Practice Session - April 29, 2012<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">The following are notes from discussions at a Reflective Practice Session at one of the partner centers on April 29, 2012.</span>
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<b><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: #990000;">Shafiq</span></span></span></b><br />
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Ketan mentors Shafiq a
17 year old boy from a slum in Bommanahalli in Bangalore. Shafiq lives with his
parents, younger brother and sister, who are in school. He has an older brother
who dropped out of school and is married. He is the second child among four
children.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">He was pursing his 10th std. and getting ready for his final exams when Ketan met him for the first
time. They have been meeting for 3 months now. They have been meeting almost
every week.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Shafiq likes to
sketch, drawing and henna designs. His favorite subject at school is Kannada.
He shared that he has a challenge with Mathematics and was attending extra
classes to help him improve. He seemed to want to live up to his family’s
expectation and do well in his studies. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Ketan felt that they
managed to break the ice quite early and there was a rapport building between
them and the regular meetings helped do this even before Shafiq’s exams began.
He also managed to meet Shafiq’s family.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Shafiq also shared
that he was nervous and anxious about his exams. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">However Ketan could
not meet Shafiq since his exams started but he plans to re-connect with him
soon. He shared that he couldn’t stay in touch to talk about his exams and really
help on that front, as he was occupied as well.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<u><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions from the Group<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>It’s good that Ketan managed to build a
rapport with Shafiq very early and meet him very often. This would have
helped his mentee to open up. Ketan has made attempts to validate Shafiq
when he shared his concerns about his exams and talked about his family
and interests.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: #990000;"><i>Perhaps Ketan would be feeling bad about not
being there to help Shafiq through his anxiety about his exams. It was
probably challenging staying in touch with Shafiq during his exams and since
Ketan was also pre-occupied with other work. However it’s great that Ketan
is now attempting to connect with him soon as Shafiq’s exams are over.</i></span><o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Salim</span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Jagadish
mentors Salim an 18 year old boy from a slum in Bommanahalli in Bangalore. Salim
lives with his parents. He has two sisters who are married. His father is a
vegetable vendor.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Jagadish
met Salim while he was in school few months away from his 10<sup>th</sup> final
exams. They have been meeting every two weeks for 3 months now. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">While they discussed
his preparations for exams, Salim mentioned that he was quite nervous. Jagadish
offered some validation and also shared his own challenges and things he did
while preparing for his exams. He suggested that Salim try spending time early
mornings to study rather than late at night. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">During the exams,
Jagadish stayed in touch with Salim on the phone. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Salim finished
writing his 10<sup>th</sup> std. exams and now works at a store at a Mall in
Koramangala. He took up the job to help earn some money for his family. He
seems very happy with his job. He likes the fact that he has a uniform and is
working in a mall, a different environment. He shared that he didn’t want to
work with his father selling vegetables. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Sometimes a lot of
conversation revolves around cricket as Jagadish also shares an interest in the
game.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Jagadish managed to
visit Salim’s home and met his family twice. They seem to understand and were
happy that their son is having a mentor.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Salim wishes to
continue his education and do his PUC. After two years, his father has plans to
move the family to Tumkur where they have a small piece of land for
agriculture. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Jagadish continues to
be in touch and plans to meet him at his workplace.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><br />
</span><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #990000;"><i>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions from the Group<o:p></o:p></i></span></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Jagadish seems to be making good progress with
his mentee and its great that they are meeting often and were in touch
even through Salim’s exams.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>It’s good that Jagadish identified a common
interest in cricket and this allows some casual conversation as well and
helps build the rapport.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Jagadish has met with Salim’s family. This
would have helped reduce any apprehension the family had and strengthened
the mentoring relationship.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>It’s good to know Jagadish offering a lot of
validation. For example helping Salim talk about his apprehensions and
fears about his final exams and offering some more validation by sharing
Jagadish’s own challenges when he was in school.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>A lot of listening and validation by Jagadish would have certainly helped Salim open up and talk about his new job that he likes and not
wanting to take up his father’s occupation selling vegetables. </i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-indent: 36pt;"><i> Perhaps the work at the mall and uniform makes him</i></span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="circle">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>feel good about himself<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>feel some independence about having his own
space<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>feel responsible as he is now contributing to
his family now<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><i><span style="color: #990000;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">excited about spending time in a new
environment -the mall itself</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span></span></i></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-indent: 36pt;"><i> Perhaps working with his father would make him</i></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 72pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i><span lang="EN-US">·
</span><span lang="EN-US">worry about what
others would say or embarrassed if he sold vegetables on the street<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 72pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<i><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US">·
</span></span><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">not that excited
as working in a mall</span></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 72pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 72pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-indent: 0px;"><i>Maybe these conversations around his work and plans for PUC and the family moving to Tumkur can continue. There may be a lot more that could emerge.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 72pt; text-indent: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 72pt; text-indent: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 72pt; text-indent: 0px;">
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b>Jayanthi</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 72pt; text-indent: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 72pt; text-indent: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Priti mentors Jayanthi a 17 year old girl who lives
in a slum in Roopena Agrahara in Bangalore. She lives with her parents who irons/
presses clothes for a living. She also has an older sister.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 72pt; text-indent: 0px;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Priti met Jayanthi when she was in high school, a
few months away from her 10th std. final exams. They have been meeting for 3
months now.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Jayanthi was nervous for her initial meetings. But
started opening up quite soon. She talked about her fears about her exams and
expectations of teachers and parents. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">One day she talked about her attraction to a boy at
her school and wondered why she felt that way. Priti tried to offer some
validation and Jayanthi started to open up more as Priti listened without
judgment. They didn’t talk about it after that but it seems she continues to
meet him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Another day she mentioned she was unhappy with her
parents favoring others and comparing her with other kids. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Jayanthi had some close friends in high school.
They were very important for her. She mentioned that some of her friends who also
had mentors, said that their mentors were not turning up to see them. Priti
worried if this would somehow affect their relationship but continued to ensure
they met often.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Priti also met Jayanthi’s family and grandmother. In
a conversation with her family, Priti learnt that Jayanthi’s parents were
supportive of her continuing education.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">During her exams Jayanthi and Priti were in touch
on the phone almost every week.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Jayanthi’s final exams are over but she is now
worried and insecure about her results. She mentioned once that perhaps she
should start working. Priti felt maybe she think this might compensate for her
not doing well. She then tried to validate Jayanthi’s fears and insecurity and
then also reassure her that things thing may not be that bad and there are always
other options.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Jayanthi recently joined a course in English and
Computers at the DreamConnect Center in Koramangala with Priti’s help.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions from the Group<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>It’s great to see that Priti able to build a
rapport and ensure regular meetings with her mentee. Nice to see that Jayanthi
is able to talk to Priti and open up although she was a bit nervous in the
beginning.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Lots of validation from Priti and not being
judgmental would have certainly helped Jayanthi open up and confide in
Priti about her thoughts and feelings about a boy she was attracted to.
It’s good that Priti gave her that space without probing too much.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>It’s understandable that one would be worried
if your mentee would start to doubt your commitment or lose interest in
you, especially when she talks about what her friends say about other
mentors who were not turning up to meet them. It’s great that Priti tried
to keep the meetings going despite this fear and concern in her mind.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Priti helped validate Jayanthi’s fears about
her exams and insecurity about herself and thoughts about not being able
to meet the expectations of her parents if she doesn’t do well. In a way,
the suggestion to a try a summer course, helping her gain access to the
course and reassuring her that there are other options would have helped Jayanthi
stay positive and help take things off her mind. <o:p></o:p></i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 72pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="text-indent: 0px;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 72pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
</div>
<div style="text-indent: 0px;">
</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">
<span style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">
<span style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Ravi</span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">
<span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0px;">
<span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Vishal mentors Ravi,
an 18 year old boy, who lives at boy’s orphanage near Diary Circle in
Bangalore. They have been meeting for 3 months now. They usually meet on
Saturdays the day allotted for mentoring meetings by the orphanage.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Ravi has been living
at the orphanage for almost 10 years now. He was abandoned at a young age by
his family. He has a sister who is married but they are not in touch. He works
part-time as a traffic police assistant, a job the orphanage helped find for
him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">He is also attempting
to complete his 10ths exams through a special program for school drop-outs. He
had dropped out of school in the 7<sup>th</sup> std. He attempted 3 exams and
will do the others next year. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Vishal mentioned that
there are restrictions for the children at the orphanage about going out and
making phone calls. So sometimes it’s difficult to meet or talk to him if
schedules don’t work on Saturdays.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Ravi is quite
friendly and confident. He is one of the oldest boys at the orphanage and gets
some attention and given errands to do. He is quite popular as he is talented
in sports, dance and poetry. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Initially Vishal and Ravi
have mostly had casual conversations about his interests, his work and
education. He seems to be comfortable talking to Vishal.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Later, Vishal tried
to talk to Ravi about his sister. Ravi didn’t seem very interested in talking
about her. He didn’t really want to contact her either. He didn’t think she
would care. Vishal however, suggested he make an attempt to stay in touch and
see what happens. He offered to make a phone call so Ravi could speak to her
and Ravi spoke to her for a few minutes. It was brief but he was willing to do
it again next week. He spoke to her again.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Most
boys are required to move out from the orphanage once they turn 18 years. Ravi
and a few other boys may have to leave in a month’s time. Vishal and Ravi
didn’t really talk about this much. Ravi didn’t bring it up either. Vishal
decided to push it for later as he wanted Ravi to focus on his exams and not
worry at that time. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Vishal
shared that while he is aware that the transition from the orphanage to a life
outside would be challenging, he was not sure how he could help Ravi, in what
way – finding a job or vocational course for him? He has been thinking about
what he can do to help Ravi.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions from the Group<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>It’s great that Vishal attempted a
conversation about Ravi’s sister. That must not have been easy. But
through some validation, Vishal that encouraged him to try. The offer to
allow him to make a phone call using Vishal’s phone would have certainly encouraged
him further. Some of the things that may have discouraged Ravi earlier
could be:-</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="circle">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Perhaps he didn’t feel she cared for him
because she wasn’t in touch with him for a long time or didn’t visit him.
Maybe he didn’t want to be rejected. Maybe he didn’t want to be a burden.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="circle">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Maybe it would make him feel sad and remind
him about being abandoned by his family.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="circle">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Maybe his past experience at reaching out to
her didn’t work.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>So the normal response would be to avoid the situation/conversation.
Maybe further validation could be attempted in future conversations about his
sister. We might understand what’s on his mind and if something unpleasant
happened in the past.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt;">
<i><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt;">
<i><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>We understand that Vishal is worried about Ravi’s
challenges as he moves out from the orphanage and how he can help
him. Perhaps Vishal can attempt a
conversation around this next time he meets Ravi to understand what he’s
been thinking and what he wants to do before we make suggestions. Maybe
offer some validation about how he feels and what he thinks.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>It’s okay not having a solution or answer right away. It’s
understandable since we don’t have enough information yet. But any discussion
or conversation about the situation is part of the process of helping him too. So
Vishal is on the right track.</i></span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 90pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i><span lang="EN-US">o </span><span lang="EN-US">Although Ravi seems okay now, since the orphanage is the closest thing
he has had to a home for 10 years, moving out can bring some anxiety and confusion.
What next? What do I do? <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 90pt;">
<i><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 90pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i><span lang="EN-US">o </span><span lang="EN-US">Since he is yet to live on his own, there are chances he may have a lot
of apprehensions and fears about being alone. <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt;">
<i><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>There are options such as vocational courses that help with job opportunities.
Or maybe Ravi would continue in his current job. Dream A Dream can help Vishal
find some information with regard to vocational courses and job opportunities
if he needs help. <o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt;">
<i><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>However maybe right now, we also need some more information about the
kind of support and resources available to him from the orphanage through this
phase of transition - especially accommodation, his education, how much time
would be extended to him till he moves out, access to the money earned through
his part-time job…etc. <o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt;">
<i><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>A conversation with the staff at the orphanage may help us prepare for
the next conversation with Ravi. <o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Kumar</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Mahesh mentors Kumar,
who is 17 years old and lives in a slum in Rajendranagar in Bangalore. He lives
with his parents and two brothers and sister. His father is a carpenter and
mother works as a house-maid.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US">Kumar met Mahesh when
he was few months away from his 10<sup>th</sup>
final exams. They haven’t been able to meet much although they have been
in touch over the phone.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US">Mahesh has not been
very successful in his attempts to meet with Kumar. Several times Kumar didn’t
turn up for a scheduled meeting after Kumar agreed to meet. Sometimes he would
say he had some work at home or was out. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mahesh also found it
challenging to have a long conversation with Kumar on the phone. Sometimes it
was hard to reach him because the phone was with his father and he would be
out. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">They could not meet
for sometime as Kumar was having his exams.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">They met twice and
both times, Kumar was very nervous and spoke very little. He would speak very
fast and seemed afraid or shy. Mahesh tried to offer some validation but it
seemed like Kumar is someone who needs more time to open up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">They spoke about his
interests and hobbies. Kumar likes to play cricket with his friends. He talked about a close friend of his who he
plays cricket with. He talked about his interest in pursuing PUC after his 10<sup>th</sup>
and opting for commerce subjects. Kumar also mentioned that he may be looking
for part-time work.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mahesh now plans to
maybe go out to a park or the mall nearby and see if that helps. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #990000;"><i>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions from the Group</i><o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #990000;"><i>It’s probably been very frustrating and
disappointing when Kumar doesn’t turn up for scheduled meetings. Especially
when you make so many attempts to meet him and speak to him on the phone.
When you want to help someone and it seems like he is not interested or
responding, it can be tough to stay motivated. But it’s good to see how
patient and persistent Mahesh has been despite these challenges.</i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #990000;"><i>Maybe Kumar is not used to conversations with
adults in this manner. This may be new to him. He may be used to adults
leading the conversation and him responding with answers.</i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #990000;"><i>He might not be a person who opens up and
talks much with new people. He may not be sure how to go about with a
conversation with Mahesh and what he can say and wonders what kind of person Mahesh is and so could be nervous. And
since there has been few meetings he has not got to know Mahesh well
enough either.</i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #990000;"><i>It’s good that Mahesh thought of trying an
activity with Kumar. This may make it easier to have a conversation.
Sometime the long silences can be awkward for both Mahesh and Kumar. So an
activity could in a way fill that space. So going out or a game indoors or trying
something on the internet could help.</i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #990000;"><i>Maybe even joining him in some activity like
cricket or something he likes to do will help break the ice. If he likes
to talk about cricket it could become a topic for conversation too.</i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #990000;"><i>Since
he mentioned he was looking for a part-time job maybe this is a
conversation he would be interested in having currently. Perhaps you could
also offer some validation around this need of his to find part-time work,
challenges at home…etc.</i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #990000;"><i>So let’s try a few things again and see if he
responds. It’s great that Mahesh has been patient for so long and we hope
he can try for some more time. If things don’t work let’s talk about it
again.</i></span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Bhavya</span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Phebega mentors Bhavya,
who is 16 years old and lives in a slum in Eijipura in Bangalore. She lives
with her parents and younger brother. Her father is a painter and mother
sometimes works as a house-maid.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Bhavya was pursuing
her PUC and was a few weeks from her first year final exams when she met
Phebega. They have been meeting for 3 months now.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Bhavya seems very shy
and does not talk much. At her first meeting, she barely spoke. She was very
quiet. Initially she had assumed that Phebega would now help with tutoring
support. But then Phebega tried to explain how she can help and be more like a
friend she can talk to.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Most of the
conversation since then revolved around her studies and the upcoming exams. She
didn’t initially talk much about her interests or her family.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">They could not meet
sometimes as Bhavya some pooja or prayer at her house some Saturdays. And
Phebega was not available on some Sundays.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">During the exams
although they didn’t meet they were in touch on the phone almost every evening.
She seemed more comfortable speaking on the phone than in person. She discussed
the paper and questions she attempted and how she should have done and would
ask for Phebega’s opinion. She would call Phebega if she didn’t call her to say
she should have called. She seemed eager to speak to Phebega. Bhavya mentioned that
she found two subjects – English and Sociology difficult. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Later Bhavya found
she cleared her papers and she shared that she was very happy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">She was upset she
didn’t know about Phebega’s birthday, as she was out of town that week to visit
her sister in Shimoga.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Once Bhavya mentioned
that she liked spending time with her older sister and her baby. But they live
far away in Shimoga and her parents would not allow her to travel to visit her
on her own. She didn’t like that. She said she feels better with her sister
than spending time at home. She didn’t say anything further and Phebega didn’t probe.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">One day Phebega
brought some UNO cards and thought she could play with Bhavya and maybe this
will help break the ice further. They played for a while. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Bhavya for the first
time initiated a conversation and asked if Phebega could help her create an
email id. So Phebega helped her and Bhavya tried sending her a few emails and
chat messages. She didn’t want Phebega to see while she was typing. She was
shy. But then, she started exchanging emails while Phebega was there. Through
one of the emails, she said that she will try to talk more next time and play
UNO with Phebega next week.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><u><br /></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<u><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions from the Group<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><u><i><br /></i></u></span></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>It’s
nice that Phebega gave Bhavya that space to be comfortable the way she is despite
being shy and didn’t speak much. Phebega’s plan to use some activity to
break the ice was certainly helpful. Playing UNO and helping her create an
email account was a good way to allow Bhavya to engage with Phebega
without feeling the pressure to open up.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Its
great to see some progress and an interest from Bhavya to stay in touch
with Phebega even through her exams and seek her opinion. She seems to
value her time with Phebega and starts to see her as a friend. The phone
conversation seemed to make it easier for Bhavya to open up than in
person.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Phebega
has helped Bhavya gradually open up through some validation about</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="circle">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Her exams
and trouble with certain subjects. <o:p></o:p></i></span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><i><span style="color: #990000;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Her desire
to spend time and visit her older sister and not liking the fact that her
parents would not let her travel on her own.</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span></span></i></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Phebega
can certainly try more activities to help Bhavya open up.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="color: #990000;"><i>Maybe
at some later point she will be ready to talk about the situation at home
and her wanting to spend more time with her sister rather than at home.</i></span><o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b>Sarah</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Emal mentors Sarah, a
16 year old who lives in a slum in Austin Town in Bangalore.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Sarah was pursuing
her PUC in commerce and was a few weeks from her first year final exams when
she met Emal. They have been in touch for 3 months now.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Initially she had
assumed that Emal would now help with tutoring support for some subjects. But
then Emal explained how she can help and be more like a friend she can talk to
and be a mentor. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">They talked about her
friends and family and Emal shared the same. She was interested in knowing more
about Emal and always asked what she did with the friends in the weekend or
update about her family. They also talk about movies and favorite actors or
actresses.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Sarah likes reading
Kannada books and watching movies.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">While her exams were
on, Emal stayed in touch on the phone.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Emal noticed that Sarah’s
uncle helped and supported her for her education. Sarah shared her
apprehensions about what she could do after her PUC as she may need to shift to
an English medium course or college. She had done most of her schooling and PUC
in Kannada and was afraid how she would manage. One of her friends had tried
the same and struggled to clear her exams. Emal mentioned there are probably
options to do a college degree in the local language or to options to improve
English.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Sarah shared that she
wants to work in a bank. She currently works part-time at a supermarket in Koramangala
for the summer holidays.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Emal was a bit
shocked when Sarah once casually said that one of her hobbies is fighting. Emal
was not sure what this meant. Another time, when they were discussing actors, Sarah
mentioned she liked Darshan. Emal said she didn’t like him because of the news
reports of him abusing his wife. Sarah however defended one of her favourite
actors and suggested that perhaps the wife did something wrong. Emal was a
little disturbed and wondered if something similar goes on Sarah’s life or her
where she lives. But she didn’t probe further.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Emal felt that she hadn’t
been able to meet Sarah as often as she should have since she had some work and
Sarah had her exams in between. But she plans to make up for it this month. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Feedback/Validation/Suggestions from the Group<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>It’s
good to see that a lot of casual conversation around interest areas allowed
Sarah to open up. Emal talking about her friends and family and movies
must have allowed her to also share about her friends and family and interest
in movies and also relate to Emal more as a friend.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Sarah
seems very comfortable with Emal and was able to share her apprehensions
about what would happen once she finishes PUC and her challenge with
English. Emal would have certainly offered some validation here and maybe
that helped her open up about this.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>As
Emal mentioned there are probably options to do a college degree in the
local language or to options to improve English. Maybe Emal could share
some information or ideas around this.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>It
was probably a bit surprising or disturbing to hear Sarah say her hobby
was fighting and her siding the Kannada actor Darshan who abused his wife. Most of
us would be a bit surprised. It’s understandable that one would worry that
maybe she is exposed to something similar in daily life. But maybe we
should wait for more information in future conversations to really
understand what she meant. Maybe clarify again later what she meant by fighting.</i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Its possible
Emal feels bad she hasn’t spent time enough time with Sarah. Probably the
exams and the work commitments made it difficult. But its good that things
are back on track and Emal will be making up for it this month.<span style="font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<em style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-align: left;"><br /></em><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><em style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-align: left;">* Once a month or in two months, mentor meetings are organised by Dream A Dream. </em><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>The Reflective Practice Session is a
forum to share learnings/notes and seek feedback/suggestions or discuss
challenges mentors are facing with fellow mentors. Its also an opportunity for mentors to
re-visit and practice some mentoring skills - validation & formulation.</i></span></span><br />
<em style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />** Names of mentees or young people have been changed to protect their identity and maintain anonymity.</span></em></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-80853764127720358912012-04-24T20:00:00.000+05:302012-04-24T20:13:29.622+05:30Reflective Practice Session - April 22, 2012<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The following are discussions from a Reflective Practice Session at one of the partner centers in April 22, 2012.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>Poornima</strong></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Tejashree mentors Poornima, a 17 year old
girl who lives with her parents and aunt at Adugodi. </span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">They have met about 6 times in the last 3 months.</span> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Poornima is pursuing her 2<sup>nd</sup> PUC
in commerce from a local Govt. College. Her father is a weaver. She stays 10
mins away from the community youth center and her college is 30 mins away from
her home. She takes the bus and goes to college along with her friends. In her
spare time, she likes to draw. She also helps her mother in cleaning, washing
and other household work.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">At the initial meetings </span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Poornima was a little nervous. But gradually she got comfortable with
Tejashree. The first few conversations revolved around her upcoming exams.</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> She
was worried about her Economics and English papers. She was trying to find a
Kannada medium textbook for Economics as her final exams were coming up in a
few weeks.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Tejashree took some time to figure out how
to help her with this but told her that she would check and get back to her. In
the meanwhile she also suggested that Poornima also check with her teacher and
friends to see if any alternate way can be found to get the book.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">After her exams, one of the things that came up in their conversations
was that she was very nervous about her exam results and worried if she would
pass or fail. Tejashree tried to offer validation here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">She also said that her father may not allow her to study further. She said
that she would now also be looking for work to support her family. Poornima
shared that she would like a job in a big company and make a lot of money. When
Tejashree asked if she has an idea what kind of work she wants, Poornima said
the need was money and so anything that was better than work at supermarkets
and retail shops. She asked Tejashree to help her with this plan of hers.</span> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br /><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">She also shared that most of friends have moved away from the
neighbourhood and she has less friends now to talk to.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Tejashree however suggested that Poornima try to continue education as further
education would enable her to earn a higher income.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">At the Reflective Practice Session, Tejashree shared that she seemed a
bit lost on how to help Poornima with information on jobs and careers available.
At the same time felt that Poornima should continue her education and realize that
further education was necessary to find better opportunities and jobs that pay.
She didn’t want her to discontinue her education.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br /><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">Feedback/Validation/Suggestions from the Group<o:p></o:p></span></em></span></span></u></div>
<br /><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><em><span style="color: #990000;">
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">It seems like there is a lot of sharing and
validation with regards to Poornima’s concerns about her exams. This would
have certainly helped her. It’s good to know that she is opening up.<o:p></o:p></span></em></span></span></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></span></em></ul>
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>
</em></span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><em><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>We understand that you are probably feeling a
little lost now about how to help Poornima with her need for information about
jobs. You are probably also worried if you will be able to really help her
and what happens if you can’t. You are probably also worried that if she discontinues
her education she may lose out on better opportunities in life.</em></span></span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><em><span style="color: #990000;">
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><em><span style="color: #990000;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The group suggested that Tejashree offer more
validation about Poornima’s need to find a job that earns well to support
her family and her father’s resistance to further education. This might be
a good place to start.</span></span></span></em></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
</span></em><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="circle"><em><span style="color: #990000;">
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">thinking of discontinuing education and working
in-order to support her family<o:p></o:p></span></em></span></span></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">perhaps she wants to help her family and
contribute in some way as things are difficult at home<o:p></o:p></span></em></span></span></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">maybe she’s finding it challenging or
daunting to talk to her father about further education when the family’s
financial situation is not very good. <o:p></o:p></span></em></span></span></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><em><span style="color: #990000;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">or maybe she just finds it challenging to talk
to her fathe</span></span></span></em></li>
</ul>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><em><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The group suggested that it’s okay to then give
an honest response that you don’t have an answer at the moment. But you
can <u>also</u> say that you will try to find out a few things by the next
meeting. This way you are not saying ‘no you will not help her’. You are
still committing to help her though the process.</span> </span></em></span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><em><span style="color: #990000;">
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><em><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Perhaps Tejashree and her mentee can agree to
work together on finding more information. This could be an activity.
Maybe 2 careers/jobs a week. If needed, Tejashree could reach out to the
group or Jeeno to collect career related information. As more information
is available to Poornima, maybe she will be able to make an informed
decision</span> </span></em></span></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
</span></em></ul>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 72pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">– <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">what education/skills lead
to A, B, C jobs you have short-listed<o:p></o:p></span></span></em></span></div>
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>
</em></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 90pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18pt;">
<em><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Calisto MT"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Calisto MT"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">what she has in
her mind and what her interest or likes are. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></em></div>
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>
</em></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 90pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18pt;">
<em><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Calisto MT"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Calisto MT"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></span></span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">this way Poornima may
also realize that there is a link between higher income/earning jobs and
education/skills.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></em></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Renuka</span></span></o:p></span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sanjana mentors Renuka, a 18 year old girl who lives from an orphanage
in JP Nagar. Renuka has been living at the orphanage for a year and half. She
was transferred from another children’s home. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">She is not an orphan. She does have a family. However there is little
information about them. Nor have they tried to contact her. It seems she was
abandoned or she run-away and was rescued by another shelter home. It’s not
clear what happened. If there was abuse at home or pressure to get married or disapproval
of a relationship.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br /><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sanjana and Renuka have been meeting for 3 months now. They have met at
least 6 times far.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">She is pursuing a diploma course in secretarial practice and
communication. Her interests include writing poems, reading, dancing and
listening to music.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS; font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Initially she was a bit apprehensive about Sanjana as an earlier mentor discontinued
after a few meetings. So she wanted to know how long Sanjana was going to be
around and if she would be there. Sanjana offered some validation and re-assurance
that she is going to be around for 6 months. </span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sanjana therefore made an effort to meet her often to build
a rapport and address her apprehension about Sanjana's commitment.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br /><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Renuka is quite bright and motivated to do well in her studies. Most
conversations were about general topics, her interests and what’s happening at her
college and studies as her exams were coming up. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">One of the things they agreed to work on together at their meetings was improving
Renuka’s English. This was something Renuka requested help with. </span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sometimes
they would go through articles in a newspaper to work on reading skills and
sometimes they would work on grammar</span>. </span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">She later
mentioned that her English teacher was not good and so Sanjana also started helping
out with some topics for her course to help her prepare for her exams</span>.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">However Renuka would rarely talk about her family or past.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sometimes Renuka would share her poems with Sanjana. Sanjana noted that Renuka’s
poems were quite impressive and had a lot of depth. Most of the poems talk about
her feelings. Renuka says she writes poems when she feels either too happy or
very sad. A lot of poems seem to mention or are about her mother. She seems to miss
her mother a lot.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br /><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Renuka mentioned that she was keen on doing a CA
course and Sanjana offered to help her meet with some friends of hers who were
doing a similar course.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">One day Renuka
seemed to talk less. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She mentioned that
the warden at the orphanage was quite rude to her and other kids at the
orphanage. Apparently there was some argument or incident that day. Renuka
seems protective about the younger kids in the shelter home. She also helps the
other younger children with school work and studies.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">She also
seems to have some friends at college although they haven’t talked much about
them yet. But she did mention that she acts a counsel for her friends. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">One day Renuka
mentioned that her family disowned her and she was not sure if her family would
accept her. But she didn’t say anything further. She was very uncomfortable talking
about it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">During one
of the assessments it seemed like she did not believe she can find someone
special in her life or a life partner. She was unhappy with her appearance and
wanted to look better.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sanjana is
worried about Renuka’s relationship with her family and how she deals with her
past. She hopes that Renuka would open up and wants to help Renuka and talk to
her about it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">Feedback/Validation/Suggestions from the Group<o:p></o:p></span></em></span></span></u></div>
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>
</em></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>
</em></span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><em><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>There has been a lot of sharing already in
short time. Sanjana’s visits and conversations were certainly helping Renuka
open up. Her support for English is also something that has brought them
closer. Things are looking good.</em></span></span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><em><span style="color: #990000;">
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">We understand that you are worried about Renuka’s
ability to deal with her past. You are probably also worried if any
attempt to talk about her family will push her away or lead to her closing
up further.<o:p></o:p></span></em></span></span></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></span></em></ul>
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>
</em></span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><em><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>The group suggested that perhaps we need to be
patient and start with more validation about her difficulty in talking
about her past. To let her know that Sanjana understands why Renuka would
not want to talk about it. Maybe offer level 3 and 5 validation and let her
know Sanjana understands that:-</em></span></span></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></span></em><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="circle"><em><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">Perhaps it makes her more sad or angry or
upset when she tries to talk about the past and her family.<o:p></o:p></span></em></span></span></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">Perhaps it makes her miss her family more.<o:p></o:p></span></em></span></span></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">Perhaps the experience at home (run- away,
abuse at home) was traumatic and painful.<o:p></o:p></span></em></span></span></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">Perhaps she feels abandoned or betrayed<o:p></o:p></span></em></span></span></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">Perhaps she feels confused<o:p></o:p></span></em></span></span></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">Perhaps there is some guilt about running
away<o:p></o:p></span></em></span></span></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></span></em></ul>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><br />
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">Thereafter Sanjana could make an offer that –
if Renuka ever feels she is ready to talk about it or has questions
Sanjana would be there to listen as a friend. And if Renuka does not wish
to talk about it, its okay, Sanjana would still continue to be there and
visit her. <o:p></o:p></span></em></span></span></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></span></em></ul>
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>
</em></span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><em><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><em><span style="color: #990000;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sanjana could then take a step back and allow Renuka
to decide if she wants to share and then accept Renuka’s choice. This may
not be easy for most of us but its something we have to learn to accept. It’s
quite possible that one day Renuka would come back to Sanjana and talk about
it. Maybe just not right away. This maybe the first time someone has ever talked
to Renuka in this manner.</span></span></span></em></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">Perhaps a similar approach to a conversation could
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>be attempted with topics she’s not
very comfortable talking about:-<o:p></o:p></span></em></span></span></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span></span></em></ul>
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>
</em></span><br />
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>
</em></span><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="circle"><em><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><span style="color: #990000;">her views about not finding a life partner <o:p></o:p></span></em></span></span></li>
<em><span style="color: #990000;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span>
</span></em>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calisto MT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>her views about her appearance.</em></span></span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em>* Once a month, mentor meetings
are organised by Dream A Dream. The session is a forum to discuss challenges and
seek support and advice from fellow mentors, senior mentors, and Dream A
Dream<br /><br />** Names of mentees or young people have been changed to protect their identity and
maintain anonymity.</em></span></span></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="circle">
</ul>
</ul>
</div>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-1421546363187102782012-03-15T13:17:00.000+05:302012-03-15T13:17:36.870+05:30Mentor-Mentee Matching- Feb 2012<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ybhA9GFvtNA/T2GZ8DEU4SI/AAAAAAAAAPo/osduQpajrVA/s1600/IMG_4659.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ybhA9GFvtNA/T2GZ8DEU4SI/AAAAAAAAAPo/osduQpajrVA/s1600/IMG_4659.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ybhA9GFvtNA/T2GZ8DEU4SI/AAAAAAAAAPo/osduQpajrVA/s320/IMG_4659.JPG" width="320" /></a> <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">43 new mentors have been matched with 43 young people between February-March 2012 </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">across 5 partner centers in Bangalore </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">and have commenced mentoring relationships. </span><br />
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</div>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-65467297012236322622012-02-24T14:56:00.000+05:302012-02-24T14:56:15.167+05:30Dream Mentoring Program Featured in the Deccan Herald<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Dr. David Pearson and Dr. Fiona Kennedy were featured in an article by Sonali Bhatia in the Deccan Herald this week.</span><br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>To help find a solution to a problem, we start by banning solutions!” says Dr Fiona Kennedy, as she talks to us about Dream-A-Dream’s Mentoring Program.<br />
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The Dream Mentoring Program pairs a volunteer adult mentor with an adolescent from a disadvantaged community. “Providing instant solutions is not a viable, long term answer for the mentee. Instead, mentors are encouraged to help their mentees find solutions within themselves,” elaborates Dr David Pearson, clinical psychologist in the UK. “This is a carefully-structured process, requiring some training,” he adds.<br />
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Dr Kennedy and Dr Pearson are both clinical psychologists in the UK. They have been visiting India for ten weeks a year, for the last six years, to develop and conduct Dream-A-Dream’s Mentor Training Program. The programme is specially designed with Indian culture and conditions in mind, and has so far benefitted 250 pairs of mentors and mentees.</em></span></div></blockquote><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The article takes an extensive look at the need for mentoring,the approach to mentoring at Dream A Dream , the need for training for volunteer mentors and some of the key concepts covered during the training.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>“Listen, listen, listen. Then listen some more,” says Dr Kennedy. “Adolescents haven’t had the experience of an adult actually listening to what they have to say. Just knowing that they are important enough to be noticed and heard goes a long way in helping them solve their problems.”<span></span></em></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div></blockquote><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">To read further, visit the following link</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.deccanherald.com/content/229267/adult-guidance-adolescents.html">http://www.deccanherald.com/content/229267/adult-guidance-adolescents.html</a></span></em></span> </div>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-86315179446938213272012-02-08T15:47:00.035+05:302012-02-09T15:00:16.463+05:30Mentors – Class of Jan 2012<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>61 volunteers were shortlisted from over 80 volunteer applications this year for the Jan-Feb 2012 batch of volunteer mentors.</strong></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></span><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_es9dSmkC68/TzI9VcXIZUI/AAAAAAAAANY/vp0mENe5bgE/s1600/100_0172.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="300" sda="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_es9dSmkC68/TzI9VcXIZUI/AAAAAAAAANY/vp0mENe5bgE/s400/100_0172.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">46 volunteers completed the 4 day training held on Jan 8, 22, 29 and Feb 5 at SCMI -Students Christian Movement of India campus, Mission Road, Bangalore. </span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-C21wqgLo8-s/TzI74yq2MhI/AAAAAAAAANI/lnxG7-sJg-c/s1600/100_0164.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Dr. Dave Pearson and Dr. Fiona Kennedy returned once again this year to support the training for Dream A Dream’s mentoring program. As always, they have been amazing, keeping the group engaged, with their fantastic sense of humour, bringing a lot of fun to learning and also challenging everyone to unlearn and open their minds to deeper listening and validation. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PJd8NEenIH0/TzJE8ZomnMI/AAAAAAAAAOo/AX3PZt-2yZc/s1600/DSC04577.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="225" sda="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PJd8NEenIH0/TzJE8ZomnMI/AAAAAAAAAOo/AX3PZt-2yZc/s400/DSC04577.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;"></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT", "serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The training was great! Fiona and Dave helped us understand what is to be a mentor. And we were taken care of so much, it felt good being there. As, a counsellor it was easy to understand the class. I also liked the way Fiona woke us up after a good lunch by making us do few stretching exercises! I am looking forward to meeting my mentee</i>”, shared Mohsina Ahmed, a volunteer who was part of the training.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5nErh2_n_SE/TzI-R8smg4I/AAAAAAAAANg/hGY-0a7U0AU/s1600/DSC04592.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="225" sda="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5nErh2_n_SE/TzI-R8smg4I/AAAAAAAAANg/hGY-0a7U0AU/s400/DSC04592.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT", "serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT", "serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The training covered different aspects of child development psychology and skills practice needed for mentoring – child development, mental health, relationships, formulation, advanced formulation, validation, positive- negative reinforcements. </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Talking about her experience at the training, Diana Thomas said, " <em>The concept of mentoring a child was explained in the most simple and effective manner by Fiona and Dave. Also, the course manual put together by them is extremely user friendly. All in all it was a really good experience</em>."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The mentor manual authored by Dave and Fiona and published for the first time last year, have brought more depth to the training, allowing volunteers to read, remember concepts and practice. Angie and Upesh from 'The Other Design Studio' helped design and print the manual with fantastic illustrations and layouts for each chapter.<br />
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At each session, volunteers engaged in role plays and group activities to practice skills in validation, formulation, positive- negative reinforcement...etc. This made the sessions interactive and really tested volunteers in terms of applying the skills learnt to a real-life situation.</span> <br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The sessions witnessed so many</span> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">different points of view. There was an explosion of questions, some expected, some brilliant and some hilarious!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT", "serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span> <span style="font-family: "Calisto MT", "serif";"> </span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT", "serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">“Is it validation level 3 or 4 or 5?”</span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--J1x8bbcwHA/TzJBR7dC65I/AAAAAAAAAN4/tyldgk_soKA/s1600/DSC04587.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="225" sda="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--J1x8bbcwHA/TzJBR7dC65I/AAAAAAAAAN4/tyldgk_soKA/s400/DSC04587.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT", "serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">“Do we do formulation first or action plan?”</span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vCQTjNepP7I/TzJBpkUhTuI/AAAAAAAAAOA/Sj_SHHtIq-M/s1600/DSC04586.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="225" sda="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vCQTjNepP7I/TzJBpkUhTuI/AAAAAAAAAOA/Sj_SHHtIq-M/s400/DSC04586.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT", "serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">“Is it positive reinforcement or negative reinforcement or punishment?”</span></span></i></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 75.75pt; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">“I knew I needed to do the validation homework and practice this week but......”</span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 75.75pt; text-align: left;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Calisto MT", "serif";"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">However through all of this emerged deep insights and learning, carefully revealed to the group by Dave and Fiona. </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OUa1hBJXTBQ/TzJQzbiAxgI/AAAAAAAAAPQ/uWfzpFr0LeA/s1600/100_0163.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" sda="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OUa1hBJXTBQ/TzJQzbiAxgI/AAAAAAAAAPQ/uWfzpFr0LeA/s400/100_0163.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"What is this strange looking diagram?"</span></em></div><em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span></em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Formulation seemed complicated to many at the start. Gradually with more role-plays and group assignments, the groups got better and better. There was a greater understanding of behaviour of disadvantaged children and how the forces of negative and positive reinforcements affect behaviour.</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Initially holding oneself back from problem-solving and focussing just on validation seemed a huge challenge and awkward or an unnatural response for many volunteers. But as the days went on, the group made excellent progress and validation seemed easier and more natural. </span></div><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YQRuYqxjETg/TzJQFLY1kiI/AAAAAAAAAPI/o4J58gKB_fw/s1600/DSC04573.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" height="225" sda="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YQRuYqxjETg/TzJQFLY1kiI/AAAAAAAAAPI/o4J58gKB_fw/s400/DSC04573.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></div><em><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 75.75pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Over the last 2 years, the program had the capacity to enrol 50 children once a year. To enable the program to have 2 or more cycles in a year and reach out to more children or support other organisations, Dave and Fiona have trained Dream A Dream’s in-house training team - Nilisha Mohapatra, Suchetha Bhat, Vishal Talreja, Deepali Nahanta, Usha Shettigar and Katryn Kylee.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 75.75pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 75.75pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Volunteers will now undergo matching with young people across five different neighbourhoods through five community partner centers in Bangalore - Roopena Agrahara/Bommanahalli, Adugodi, Dairy Circle, J.P. Nagar, Koramangala/ Rajendranagar/ Eijipura and Austin Town. This year, for the first time, we have started working with Balamandira Govt. Boys Home, Dairy Circle with the help of Makkala Jagriti and DreamConnectCenter (Dream A Dream's community learning center in Koramangala). </span></div></div>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-22162879461513501062011-10-31T15:07:00.004+05:302011-10-31T15:45:26.186+05:30RP 10 - Mentoring Stories ( from the Reflective Practice Session 18.09.2011)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div><m:smallfrac m:val="off"> <m:dispdef> <m:lmargin m:val="0"> <m:rmargin m:val="0"> <m:defjc m:val="centerGroup"> <m:wrapindent m:val="1440"> <m:intlim m:val="subSup"> <m:narylim m:val="undOvr"> </m:narylim></m:intlim> </m:wrapindent> </m:defjc></m:rmargin></m:lmargin></m:dispdef></m:smallfrac><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">This is a collection of stories discussed at one of the mentor group meetings in September at one of the partner centers. </span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Abdul</span></u></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Sandeep mentors Abdul, a 16-year-old from Roopena Agrahara, pursues a pre-university course in science. He lives with his parents and his father has a small shop near their home. They have been meeting for 8 months now. Read more about them in previous post <u><a href="http://dreammentors.blogspot.com/2011/06/mentoring-stories-from-reflective_855.html">here</a>.</u></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Abdul seems to be doing okay in his junior college. Nothing has come up yet on this front.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">In the past, Abdul had shared his interest towards automobiles and indicated a desire to pursue automotive engineering. Sandeep and Abdul frequently have conversations around this interest area. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">They recently visited an ‘auto show’ together along with Sandeep’s son. Abdul enjoyed this trip and seemed to be very curious about different vehicles. He spent a lot of time observing everything around. Towards the end, when asked what brand or type of vehicle he liked the most he said, the BMW. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kX_gJxNSX_8/Tq5xUPznYYI/AAAAAAAAAMw/YD4vtMtGkrM/s1600/rp10a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kX_gJxNSX_8/Tq5xUPznYYI/AAAAAAAAAMw/YD4vtMtGkrM/s320/rp10a.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Although Abdul is generally very shy and speaks very little, he seemed to be most comfortable with any conversation around automobiles. Sandeep recalled that during one of their visits to a mall, Abdul identified cars in the parking lot and they played a small game around identifying the cars.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Another day, they visited a flower show at Lalbagh park. Abdul enjoyed this visit as well. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Sandeep however mentioned a concern about Abdul not really opening up as much as he expected in the time they have spent. He felt that he continued to drive or initiate most of the conversations rather than Abdul. However he admitted there were instances where Abdul was able to assertively respond. Abdul also sends an SMS to Sandeep most days. </span><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Reflections from the Group: </span></b></div><ul style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: left;"><li><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">It’s nice to see that Sandeep continues to revolve conversations and activities around Abdul’s areas of interest as he has in the past( for example Abdul’s interest for art)</span></b></li>
<li><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">It’s understandable that when one’s mentee does not open up one would feel concerned/frustrated. But perhaps that’s the way Abdul is, as a person. He may be shy or reserved. Perhaps he has a challenge communicating or expressing himself as a result of language since Sandeep admitted they speak to him in English. </span></b></li>
<li><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">A suggestion would be to attempt conversations in Hindi as Abdul’s other tongue was Urdu. Interestingly he does send SMS’s. Maybe he’s just not much of talker and we should be patient and just accept him the way he is. If we create easier opportunities for Abdul to speak around the topics that interest him he might open up.</span></b></li>
<li><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Sometimes young people from such backgrounds are also not used to leading conversations when around adults. They maybe used to conversations with adults only where they would just respond to questions or reply when told what to do. So its also possible that talking to an adult in this manner is a new experience for him.</span></b></li>
<li><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">There was a discussion among mentors present</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"> regarding Abdul’s interest in automotive engineering, </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">, if this was a realistic goal to encourage, considering the difficulty in terms of academic requirements and financial resources needed. So should other options be discussed with Abdul instead? </span></b></li>
<li><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Sandeep agreed that more time was needed to be spent on conversations around a career path and how Abdul could start planning his way forward. During the course of this discussion perhaps other aspects may come out such as challenges Abdul may face and as this happens, other options available could then be discussed.</span></b></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br />
</span></span></u></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Ali</span></u></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Vijay mentors Ali, an 18-year-old who lives in Roopena Agrahara with his elder sisters and parents. Ali attends a pre-university course in science</span><span lang="EN-US">. </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">They have been meeting for 8 months now. Read more from previous posts <a href="http://dreammentors.blogspot.com/2011/06/mentoring-stories-from-reflective_855.html">Here</a> & <a href="http://dreammentors.blogspot.com/2011/08/rp-9-mentoring-stories-from-reflective.html">Here</a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Vijay has now been meeting Ali more often and they have attempted visits or activities. Ali seems to respond more to these activities. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Vijay planned a few visits to a cyber/internet café nearby and explained how to use the internet to find information and also helped him create an email id. Ali gradually started to ask questions related to higher education and careers. Vijay tried answering his queries and also helped Ali understand how the internet can help him find answers.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">On a few occasions Ali had questions concerning pursuing professional cricket or training for this in other states like Delhi. Vijay wasn’t sure how to clarify these queries.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gkEWc5F5wHw/Tq5zj1GMAAI/AAAAAAAAAM4/uDqAdiERrEk/s1600/RP10b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="282" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gkEWc5F5wHw/Tq5zj1GMAAI/AAAAAAAAAM4/uDqAdiERrEk/s320/RP10b.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">On other days, Ali accompanied Vijay to a visit a science museum and a public park. Although Ali spoke very little, he seemed to respond to questions and expressed that he enjoyed these visits. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Ali seemed to prefer activities rather than sessions involving just conversation. Vijay noticed that it made it easier for Ali to open up. </span><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Reflections from the Group: </span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-left: 36pt; text-align: justify;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"></span></b></div><ul style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: left;"><li style="color: #990000;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">It’s probably a relief to Vijay to know that Ali is now responding and meeting Vijay more often as compared to previous episodes where he was difficult to reach. It takes a lot of patience to keep trying to connect one’s mentee and Vijay has kept trying for a long time.</span></b></li>
<li><b><span style="color: #990000;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Vijay is on the right track by attempting different activities to engage Ali and attempting conversations around careers and higher education.</span></span></b></li>
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Dhanush</span></u></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Manoj has been mentoring Dhanush from Adugodi for 8 months now.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"> Dhanush is an 18-year-old who is currently pursuing his pre-university course. Dhanush also helps his parents sell vegetables and fruits in the morning and also works part time at a community youth center.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Read more from previous posts <a href="http://dreammentors.blogspot.com/2011/06/mentoring-stories-from-reflective.html%20">Here</a> & <a href="http://dreammentors.blogspot.com/2011/07/rp-8-mentoring-stories-from-reflective.html">Here</a>.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br />
</span></span></u></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Manoj has not been able to meet Dhanush as often as he would like to over the last month although they are in touch over the phone. His work commitment has led to him to consider discontinuing next month onwards. Manoj expressed that he was not sure about how to go about with this.</span><b><i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span></i></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Reflections from the Group: </span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-left: 36pt; text-align: justify;"><b><i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"></span></i></b></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Most mentors find it difficult to approach one’s mentee when it concerns discontinuing a mentoring relationship. Sometimes we try to avoid this as it makes us uncomfortable or feel guilty. However, at some point mentor and mentee will part ways. It’s no one’s fault.</span></b></li>
<li style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">However it’s important to talk about this with one’s mentee 2-3 meetings prior to formally discontinuing. Young people do understand if we are honest about the reasons. </span></b></li>
<li style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">It would however not be taken very well if no explanation is offered and we just stop communicating. It could leave doubts in the mentee’s mind as to why his/her mentor is no longer coming to meet him/her. Did I do something wrong? Or maybe my mentor does not like me..etc. </span></b></li>
<li style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">It is important to explain that Manoj would continue to remain a friend and be available on telephone should Dhanush have something he really needs to talk about. </span></b></li>
<li><b><span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Closure in the mentoring program, is also an experience that allows mentees to learn about transitions in relationships one may face during adulthood. So a proper closure is a learning for the youth.</span></span></b></li>
</ul></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b> Compiled by Jeeno P. Jacob, Program Anchor — Dream Mentoring Program| Dream A Dream</b></span><br />
<br />
<div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">* Once a month, mentor meetings are organised by Dream A Dream. The session is a forum to discuss challenges and seek support and advice from fellow mentors, senior mentors, and Dream A Dream<br />
<br />
** Names of mentees have been changed to protect their identity and maintain anonymity.</i></span></div></div>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-87882197276619388192011-08-27T18:25:00.007+05:302011-08-27T18:44:50.175+05:30RECOMMENDED READING - 3<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><m:smallfrac m:val="off"> <m:dispdef> <m:lmargin m:val="0"> <m:rmargin m:val="0"> <m:defjc m:val="centerGroup"> <m:wrapindent m:val="1440"> <m:intlim m:val="subSup"> <m:narylim m:val="undOvr"> </m:narylim></m:intlim> </m:wrapindent> </m:defjc></m:rmargin></m:lmargin></m:dispdef></m:smallfrac><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">1) ‘<i><b><a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-new-grief/201108/helping-children-survive-divorce-the-myth-the-tough-boy%20%20">Helping Children Survive Divorce: The Myth of the Tough Boy</a></b>’ </i>by Joseph Nowinski, discusses disruption of the attachment process for children and young people from families where parents separate. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #a2c4c9; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #a2c4c9;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #0c343d; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-left: 36pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">“...Separation and divorce hold the potential to undermine or disrupt attachments that are either being formed or have been formed. If that is allowed to happen, the result can be long-term insecurity and a fear of exploring the world. On the other hand, if divorcing parents understand the process of attachment and act in ways to preserve a child's existing attachments while promoting new ones, there is no reason why that child need be irrevocably harmed by divorce.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #0c343d; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-left: 36pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #0c343d; text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #0c343d; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-left: 36pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">If their initial attachments are successful, children will be able to form additional attachments to significant others later on, with peers as well as with other influential adults in their lives, such as babysitters and day-care workers and, even later, teachers and coaches. Many psychologists believe that healthy attachments in childhood set the stage for satisfying, committed adult relationships.</span></span></div><div style="color: #0c343d; text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #0c343d; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-left: 36pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Children also become attached to things, such as stuffed animals and blankets. They use these things as supplemental attachment objects; they represent additional sources of comfort and companionship, particularly when human attachment figures are not readily available...”</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-left: 36pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">2<i>)” <b><a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/just-listen/201107/falling-through-the-cracks-coming-soon-teenager-near-you%20">Falling Through the Cracks: Coming Soon to a Teenager Near You</a></b></i>” by Mark Goulston, discusses anxiety of young people as they enter early adulthood and their struggle with independence.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #134f5c; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-left: 36pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">“...Traversing the psychological terrain between teenage dependence and young adult independence is fraught with anxiety, confusion and fear. Doing it successfully means letting go of your dependence upon your parents to becoming independent. The more you need your parents, the less independent and more ashamed you feel. Such shame begets irritability and that can cause you to snap at them if they say something and snap at them if they say nothing. That can be very scary to you and chilling to your parents. Such a "no win" relationship with your parents requires an empathic understanding that goal oriented, project managing type parents find particularly difficult to muster.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #134f5c; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-left: 36pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #134f5c; text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #134f5c; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-left: 36pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">....Frequently associated with this is a deeply painful and increasingly dark despair...</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #134f5c; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-left: 36pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #134f5c; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-left: 36pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span></span></div><div style="color: #134f5c; text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #134f5c; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-left: 36pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">.......So what is the cure? What hopeless, meaningless, worthless, pointless and useless have in common is “less” as in without hope, help, meaning, worth, a point to go on. The key to helping these teens is to give them a “with” experience....”</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-left: 36pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">3) "<b><i><a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201106/adolescence-and-shyness%20">Adolescence and shyness</a></i></b>' by Carl E. Pickhardt, discusses challenges adolescents face while battling shyness , peer pressure and the need to try to fit in.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #134f5c; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-left: 36pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">“..There are all kinds of new situational discomforts. For example, during early adolescence, effects of puberty create a vulnerability to being teased about physical appearance that can create reluctance to interact with peers. Or, simply comparing themselves unfavorably to others, young people who "hate" how they look can keep to themselves to avoid being looked at by others. Or, ill at ease with her or his bodily changes, a sixth grade girl or boy may truly dread publicly dressing out for physical education at school. Shyness often arises from painful self-consciousness.<span style="background-color: white; color: #134f5c;"> </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #134f5c;">In addition, many adolescents tend to be shyer around adults than they were as children because grownups have now become the operating standard for acting more mature. Now it's easy to shy away from adults because one feels diminished and inhibited in their company......”</span></span></span><br />
</div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #134f5c;"></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; margin-left: 36pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">4) “<i><b><a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201104/when-adolescents-want-quit%20">When adolescents want to quit</a></b>”</i> by Carl E. Pickhardt talks about the complexity of quitting and how adolescents need to learn to find a balance.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><blockquote style="color: #134f5c;"><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">“..Quitting is far more complex than it first appears. In the heat of momentary impatience or unhappiness, it can seem like a good idea. However, it often risks unanticipated costs.</span> </div></blockquote><blockquote style="color: #134f5c;"><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: justify;"></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Quitting can provide relief from duress, but it can also cause regret over what was left behind. Quitting can create new freedom, but it can also sacrifice past investment. Quitting can stop what is unworkable, but it can also start a pattern of giving up when work gets hard......</span> </div></blockquote><blockquote style="color: #134f5c; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">..... There are important times when it takes determination or even courage to quit. In these situations, adolescents who can't quit, or have been taught never to quit, can be at a serious disadvantage. To stick with a bad decision because on principle you refuse to quit is rarely a good idea. Sometimes pride makes it hard to quit because that means admitting one has made a mistake. You want your teenager to have sense enough to quit when keeping at it becomes truly pointless, harmful, or keeps the young person from productively moving on..”</span></div></blockquote><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div></div>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-47057931717643886642011-08-01T15:38:00.001+05:302011-08-01T15:46:27.930+05:30RP-9: Mentoring Stories (from the Reflective Practice Session of June 26)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div><b>This is a collection of stories and updates received at one of the mentor group meetings* at a partner centre in Bangalore. </b><br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Some of the topics covered here are likely to be similar to experiences mentors have had with their mentees: mentee not turning up for scheduled meetings; conflict with other youths in the community; financial difficulties; losing someone else’s cellphone; difficulty in getting time alone with the mentee; mentee’s use of rude or abusive language; mentee lying to a parent; mentee declining a request to go out, etc.</span></b><br />
<br />
<u style="color: #990000;"><b>VARUN</b></u><b style="color: #990000;">**</b><br />
<br />
<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b></b> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Murali mentors Varun, a 16-year-old from Roopena Agrahara. His father is a low-wage construction worker while his mother works at a garment factory. Varun, who lives with his parents, has two siblings: his elder sister is married; his younger brother is in middle school.<br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Varun and Murali have been meeting for four months. They started meeting when Varun was in Std. X and preparing for his exams.</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Cgq1719uETg/TjZ3lPIPROI/AAAAAAAAALw/_ek0JngiQzA/s1600/june+b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Cgq1719uETg/TjZ3lPIPROI/AAAAAAAAALw/_ek0JngiQzA/s200/june+b.jpg" width="184" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 10pt;">During their initial meetings Murali and Varun talked about preparation for exams and school. It was during one of these conversations that Varun revealed that his father would come home drunk and cause a disturbance, which made it difficult to study in the evenings. Varun’s high school teachers also mentioned there was trouble at home for a while now as his father was an alcoholic.<br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Gradually they started meeting almost every week near his high school. Murali found Varun very cheerful and open and always polite. Varun seemed to be responding well and always turning up for scheduled meetings.<br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">For a month during the summer break Varun helped his father with his masonry work to support the family and pay his junior college fees.<br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Varun just about managed to clear his Std. X exams, after which he joined a government pre-university college in Agara. He initially applied for a commerce course there but his low marks made him ineligible. He was thinking about studying for a B.Com. degree after his PUC so that he could get a job later. Also most of his friends were thinking along the same lines. The college offered him the option of enrolling in an Arts/Humanities course instead. His friends urged him to change to commerce. So he discussed this with Murali.<br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Murali tried to validate Varun’s disappointment and confusion, and his desire to go along with his friends. He then explained that there are also other options beyond commerce and science and there are job/career opportunities available to art/humanities graduates as well. Perhaps, considering his final exam marks, it would be difficult to manage subjects in commerce or science. Murali asked him to think about this again. A week later Murali brought some textbooks for Varun as he figured Varun may have trouble with the subjects.<br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">A few days later Varun called to tell Murali that he was still unsure about his options for PUC as his friends kept urging him to choose commerce. Murali sensed that Varun probably felt awkward since he had got him those textbooks or perhaps he felt that if he changed his decision it would offend Murali. Murali assured him that he would not feel bad and Varun could change his decision. He advised him to think about what would be best for him. He also offered to accompany him to talk to the principal if he still wished to change streams. But later Varun came back and said he would manage with arts/humanities and did not intend to change.<br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Recently his sister had a baby and she moved in with them for a while. He said that his father seemed to have reduced his drinking after some of his relatives talked to him about it. Things seemed to be better at home now and his mother had stopped going to work at the garment factory.<br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">During one of his phone conversations with Varun, his mother invited Murali home. He agreed.<br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Murali later also invited Varun home.<br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Varun always asked about Murali’s family, his son and wife and his work. <br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">At one of their recent meetings when they visited a coffee shop Varun was very hesitant to order anything, so Murali had to encourage him. <br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Varun was thinking of joining some computer classes at Dream A Dream at some point but is not sure because of the travel costs involved. Varun told Murali that he recently found a part-time job he could do after his classes at a small printing shop. He would start next month.<br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Reflections from the Group: </span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></b></div><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<ul style="color: #660000; text-align: left;"><li><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Murali has been available to Varun to talk about his problems and offer validation on several occasions. Talking about his father’s drinking habit and how that disturbed him prior to his final exams were crucial conversations and would have helped Varun gradually come to terms with it.</span></b></li>
<li><b><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Varun’s initial disappointment at not being eligible for a commerce stream as he scored low marks in his Std. X exams, the subsequent confusion regarding his alternative options for a PUC course, and the pressure from his peers/friends to opt for commerce, would have troubled him a lot. Murali tried to talk him through it and constantly encouraged Varun to decide whatever he felt was best for himself. Although Murali discussed alternative options, he also offered to support him by way of accompanying him to talk to the junior college if he still felt compelled to study commerce. He explained the possible reasons for the college not permitting Varun to take up the commerce course and how it could be a little difficult considering his low scores. Despite Varun changing his mind a few times, Murali remained patient and assured Varun that he was available for guidance or help regardless of Varun’s decision. This was a great way to help Varun.</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></b></li>
<li><b><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Varun seemed to be more and more comfortable talking about his family and also talked about Murali’s family. There seems to be a good rapport building between them. He also seemed to have explained to his family who Murali was and hence the invitation home.</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></b></li>
<li><b><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Although sometimes we feel compelled to support our mentee by buying things for them, it’s recommended that we hold ourselves back and try to see if there are ways one’s mentee can empower himself/herself or if there are third party sources/sponsors he or she can be directed to.</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></b></li>
<li><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> Visits to the mentee’s home with the consent of, and in the presence of, a family member are okay. This helps break the ice with the family and allay their apprehensions about the mentor. However, programme guidelines advise against mentors having their mentees over at the mentor’s home or other private residences, etc., for child safety reasons and to avoid repeat visits. This is just a standard protocol that needs to be kept in mind; it’s not a reflection on any individual mentor.</span></b></li>
</ul></div><div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt;">*** </span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></b></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><b><u><span style="font-size: 10pt;">ALI</span></u></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><b><u><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span></u></b></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Vijay mentors Ali from Roopena Agrahara. Vijay had been having trouble meeting Ali as he had not been turning up and was not reachable on the phone. He had reached a stage where he was unsure how to continue and thereafter he made efforts to re-connect </span><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="color: black;">—</span></b></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> read more in <a href="http://dreammentors.blogspot.com/2011/06/mentoring-stories-from-reflective_855.html."><u>an earlier report</u></a>.<br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">A few weeks later, Vijay managed to obtain a new contact number for Ali from the programme staff and his school friends. He learnt that Ali’s mobile phone had been stolen and hence it had not been reachable. Vijay was relieved that things were back on track; now he could think again about continuing the meetings.<br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Ali had cleared his Std. X exams and he planned to join a junior college nearby opting for a science course. He had recently taken up part-time work in the afternoons: he would collect old waste and used threads or cloth and take the items home where his sister would clean them. He would then sell them to a nearby store.</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rrVSfnEjP3M/TjZ5rgDA1mI/AAAAAAAAAL0/twozO6BujKM/s1600/june+a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rrVSfnEjP3M/TjZ5rgDA1mI/AAAAAAAAAL0/twozO6BujKM/s400/june+a.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr align="right"><td class="tr-caption"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">ILLUSTRATION: RENJIT KRISHNAN/FREEDIGITALPHOTOS.NET</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">When Vijay talked to Ali about his choice of science as a course for pre-university college, it seemed as though Ali hadn’t thought it through. He was not sure about career options or future college courses or work. He said he took up the science course as someone had told him it would allow him to become a software engineer. Vijay was a little concerned because he knew Ali had trouble with science and maths. Ali then asked questions about careers or courses that did not involve maths. He also wanted to know if there were any easy options for a career and if there were diploma courses he could take up instead of joining PUC. So it seemed to Vijay that he needed some guidance on this front and also access to more information. But Vijay was not sure where to start.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Vijay was concerned that his absence could have been a reason for Ali not having access to timely guidance; he worried that he had not contributed enough owing to the gap in their meetings. He felt he had not probably done as much as other mentors. <br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Reflections from the Group:</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></b></div><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li style="color: #660000;"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt;">It’s encouraging that Vijay has re-connected with his mentee after a gap and resumed meetings. It is understandable that he would feel a little bad when he hears about other mentors and mentees meeting more often and doing more. However, the gap in the meetings here was a result of an external factor that could not be helped. The good thing is that Vijay is making an effort to re-connect. Let’s try not to compare mentor-mentee relationships in terms of achievements. Each relationship is unique and has its own set of positives and challenges. Sometimes we have to work with what we can.</span></b></li>
<li style="color: #660000;"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Vijay was on the right track when he identified the need for some guidance on career choices and began helping Ali identify his interests and challenges in academics. It will be extremely helpful if conversations continue on this front.</span></b></li>
<li><b style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Sometimes young people make mistakes. We can only guide them and offer information. Even if Vijay feels a science course would be too difficult or the wrong fit for Ali, we have to let youngsters take their own decisions. It’s difficult for us to take decisions on their behalf. What we can do is to keep making the offer to be there, should they need advice or help with academics or coping with those challenges.</span></b> </li>
</ul></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div><b style="color: #660000;"></b><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b>Compiled by Jeeno P. Jacob, Programme Anchor — Dream Mentoring Programme | Dream A Dream</b></li>
</ul><i> * Once a month, mentor meetings are organised by Dream A Dream. The session is a forum to discuss challenges and seek support and advice from fellow mentors, senior mentors, and Dream A Dream<br />
<br />
** Names of mentees have been changed to protect their identity and maintain anonymity.</i></div><div><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"></ul></div></div>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-9307858975713026182011-07-31T12:53:00.002+05:302011-07-31T12:56:50.505+05:30RP-8: Mentoring Stories (from the Reflective Practice Session of June 19)<b>This is a collection of stories and updates received at one of the mentor group meetings* at a partner centre in Bangalore. </b><br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Some of the topics covered here are likely to be similar to experiences mentors have had with their mentees: mentee not turning up for scheduled meetings; conflict with other youths in the community; financial difficulties; losing someone else’s cellphone; difficulty in getting time alone with the mentee; mentee’s use of rude or abusive language; mentee lying to a parent; mentee declining a request to go out, etc.</span></b><br />
<br />
<u style="color: #990000;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">SHALINI</span></b></u><b style="color: #990000;">**</b><br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HCogw5joVVM/TjUBz3jolMI/AAAAAAAAALk/DUK5ZApuUIs/s1600/5a.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HCogw5joVVM/TjUBz3jolMI/AAAAAAAAALk/DUK5ZApuUIs/s1600/5a.jpg" /></a>Prachi mentors Shalini from Adugodi (read more in <a href="http://dreammentors.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2011-06-28T14%3A56%3A00%2B05%3A30&max-results=1"><u>an earlier post</u></a>). <br />
<br />
Shalini has completed her Std. VII exams and is moving on to Std. VIII. Recently Prachi and Shalini went to get ice-cream together. <br />
<br />
During the last few times they met, Prachi observed that Shalini spent a lot of time with older boys at the centre and they got quite physical, pushing each other and playing around. This is a worry for Prachi who thinks this may not be safe or appropriate. She feels this is happening because Shalini is attracted to boys and she is concerned that Shalini could be taken advantage of. So Prachi felt she should discuss this with Shalini. First she talked it over with staff members at the centre, who said that it was possible that Shalini was looking for affection not received from her father. It seems the father isn’t around a lot. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NGS-25exsic/TjUAoL5P4VI/AAAAAAAAALg/J7ZK6A8CxLs/s1600/5b.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NGS-25exsic/TjUAoL5P4VI/AAAAAAAAALg/J7ZK6A8CxLs/s200/5b.jpg" width="140" /></a>At one of their meetings Shalini’s mother happened to be visiting the community centre. She spotted Prachi and Shalini and came over to speak with them. Shalini’s mother started talking about her, telling Prachi that she was not doing very good at school and needed help. She went on for a while about Shalini not being good at studies or not working hard or not showing interest and suggested Prachi should talk to her about this. She also wanted Prachi to help Shalini with her studies.<br />
<br />
Shalini eventually began crying as her mother went on in this fashion. After her mother left, Prachi had to console Shalini till she regained her composure. Thereafter, Shalini said she would bring her books to their meetings.<br />
<br />
Shalini also asked Prachi if they could go out together but the centre has now imposed restrictions on the mentees going out with their mentors, and Prachi had to explain this to Shalini.<br />
<br />
Prachi has also noticed that Shalini rarely talked about her family. She recently came to know from a staff member at the centre that Shalini has a younger brother. So Prachi feels maybe Shalini doesn’t look at her as someone in whom she can confide. Prachi feels Shalini looks at her more as a teacher and she is not sure that Shalini understands the role of a mentor.<br />
<br />
Prachi also revealed that she would need to discontinue mentoring Shalini the following month onwards as she is going abroad for higher studies. <br />
<br />
<b style="color: #660000;">Reflections from the Group:</b><br />
<ul style="color: #660000;"><li><b>It’s understandable that mentors would feel it a little odd when their mentees have different expectations or none at all. Sometimes young adults or children take time to understand their roles in the relationship. So they may need our help to understand and slowly start to pick up the nuances depending on what we offer as mentors or demonstrate at the mentoring meetings. It takes time for this to evolve and become clear.</b></li>
<li><b>The incident where Shalini’s mother talked about her lack of interest in studies or not being good at academics may have been a bit awkward and difficult and unexpected. When Shalini started crying, Prachi did the right thing by trying to console and reassure her. It’s most likely that Shalini felt embarrassed and uncomfortable by her mother’s complaints to Prachi. Most young people like to maintain a good impression with a new friend and don’t like someone (especially parents) intruding into that space. So maybe she looks at Prachi a little differently than a teacher after all.<br />
</b></li>
<li><b>Some young people or children may not disclose everything about their family in the first few meetings. Some take longer to open up. But maybe Prachi could attempt to learn a little about Shalini’s family through casual conversations unless she senses Shalini is uncomfortable talking about it. Sometimes it may not come from the mentee directly unless asked.</b></li>
<li><b>It’s understandable that Prachi is worried about Shalini’s safety, that Shalini may be taken advantage of by the older boys. Most mentors would feel that way. It’s good that Prachi shared her observations. Maybe we could gather a little more information from Shalini herself before we take the next step. Maybe she isn’t just mature yet to understand and thinks it is okay. Maybe she is unaware of what’s appropriate or not safe. Or maybe she just likes the attention of boys as normal teenagers do at that age. Since we don’t know, let’s find out a little more. Perhaps we could ask the centre staff for their observations as well. For example: Ask her a little more about who her friends are at school, at the centre or near her home and how she normally spends time with them. If it seems they are predominantly boys, ask casually why she has fewer girlfriends than male friends. See where that conversation goes. Thereafter, if Prachi feels it’s needed, a brief conversation on what may be inappropriate in terms of physical contact with boys could be explained. This may not be an easy conversation, so let’s collect some information before doing this.</b></li>
<li><b>While her mother wanted Prachi to help Shalini with her studies it is not mandatory that further meetings be only about this. Depending on what Shalini needs, Prachi can take a call. Maybe Shalini just needs a little guidance once in a while and not complete tutoring. Since Prachi is likely to discontinue soon, maybe it’s better not to make a commitment on this issue. So a general conversation around her academics to get a sense of what she needs could help. It’s true that the aspect of discontinuing mentoring may be a little difficult to bring up. But it needs to be discussed and Shalini will eventually understand. </b></li>
</ul><br />
***<br />
<b style="color: #990000;">MALINI</b><br />
<br />
Archana mentors Malini from Adugodi. She has been meeting Malini over the last four months (read more in <a href="http://dreammentors.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2011-06-28T14%3A56%3A00%2B05%3A30&max-results=1"><u>an earlier post</u></a>).<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3LYnEAs_Rkg/TjUCH1Wl9oI/AAAAAAAAALo/STvYuO1lfVU/s1600/5c.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br />
Sometime back, Archana and Malini visited a nearby bookstore. Archana first browsed through the shelves along with Malini and showed her a few interesting books. After a while, Malini started taking a look at books in the Kannada section on her own. They spent about an hour there that day. Afterwards, Archana and Malini talked about the jobs people had at the store and Malini mentioned that a friend’s sister also worked there. She said it would be the kind of job she would like as well. Before they left, Archana told Malini that she would buy one “spoken English” book and keep it at the centre library and Malini could use it if she wanted. Malini seemed to like this idea. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3LYnEAs_Rkg/TjUCH1Wl9oI/AAAAAAAAALo/STvYuO1lfVU/s1600/5c.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="161" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3LYnEAs_Rkg/TjUCH1Wl9oI/AAAAAAAAALo/STvYuO1lfVU/s200/5c.jpg" width="200" /></a>Malini, who now studies in Std. VIII, had to recently move to a different school after her Std. VII exams because her school only has classes up to Std. VII. Malini told Archana that her friends from the previous school are no longer talking to her although they have also moved to the same new school. She thinks it’s because she made some new friends at this school. She feels they didn’t want to make new friends unlike her and so now she sits with her new friends. She tried talking to her earlier group of friends but they were not responding. So she decided to move on to her new friends.<br />
<br />
Archana observed that Malini rarely talked about her family. Once she stopped midway while she was talking about her family and quickly changed the subject. She seemed a little uncomfortable talking further.<br />
<br />
She once talked about her interest in becoming a police officer but Archana was not sure if we should try to have a discussion about careers. Once when Archana offered to arrange a meeting with a police officer, Malini said no. So Archana got a little confused.<br />
<br />
<b style="color: #660000;">Reflections from the Group:</b><br />
<ul style="color: #660000;"><li><b>The visit to the bookstore would have been a good learning experience for Malini. She seemed to have a good time browsing through the books there. The subsequent discussion about jobs and working in such a store was a great way to help Malini start thinking of her future career or part-time options.</b></li>
<li><b>It seems Malini is comfortable enough to share her disappointments and frustrations (such as the incident with her group of friends). It would have been a relief for her to share it with Archana.<br />
</b></li>
<li><b>Young people take their own time to be comfortable enough to talk about family, their background or past especially if it is a troubled one. Some also tend to paint a pretty picture when talking about themselves to an outsider or third person to make a good impression. It’s possible that there are unpleasant things about her family or her past that make her sad or upset. Or she fears it would look bad if she disclosed some parts of her life. And so she avoids the topic. If she is not comfortable talking about it then let’s not push too much. Maybe at a later stage she will talk about it, if not today. We just need to be patient.</b></li>
<li><b>Conversations about her ambition of becoming a police officer are certainly helpful and great source for clarity of thought in setting goals for herself in the future. Perhaps Malini found the idea of meeting a police officer a bit too intimidating. Maybe something less intimidating, like how or where does one find information about qualifying exams, what kind of work it could involve and positions, etc., could be started for now. </b></li>
</ul><br />
***<br />
<b style="color: #990000;">THOMAS</b><br />
<br />
Mallikarjun mentors 19-year-old Thomas. He has been meeting him for about four months now (read more in <a href="http://dreammentors.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2011-06-28T14%3A56%3A00%2B05%3A30&max-results=1"><u>an earlier post</u></a>).<br />
<br />
Thomas spent almost a month at his uncle’s house in Kerala. He told Mallikarjun that he liked the time he spent there. That he could explore a lot of places and liked playing on his uncle’s computer. <br />
<br />
Thomas and Mallikarjun had had a conversation in the past about his attempting the Std. X exams again. Thomas had dropped out a year back after failing to clear a couple of subjects. At that time, it seemed to Mallikarjun as though Thomas was keen to finish school. <br />
<br />
Thomas told Mallikarjun that he had recently visited his school to apply to sit for the supplementary exams. But when he learnt there were just two weeks to go before the exams began, he felt he could not do it and changed his mind. <br />
<br />
Now he’s thinking about writing the exams next year or mid-year. He was not sure about the schedule and he said he needed to find out details from the school. Mallikarjun offered to help Thomas if needed. Later Mallikarjun also talked to the member of the staff at the centre, who said he would try to arrange for a tutor.<br />
<br />
Thomas said he didn’t have much to do in the last few days as his friends were all busy with exams or other things. Now that school has started and football sessions at Dream A Dream have started, he gets to spend time with more friends. <br />
<br />
Thomas’s health has improved although he continues to take medications for asthma.<br />
<br />
<b style="color: #660000;">Reflections from the Group:</b><br />
<ul><li><b style="color: #660000;">Being able to share his challenges and his desire to finish school is a sign that Thomas looks up to Mallikarjun and was looking for some validation. Mallikarjun did just that for Thomas, by listening and offering encouragement and support. It must have not been easy for Thomas to tell someone he backed out of writing the exams this time as he was under-prepared or afraid. Being out of school for a year and going back to writing exams and studying alone at home is a difficult thing to achieve for many young people from Thomas’s background. But he seems to be trying. Any form of encouragement from Mallikarjun can definitely help him stay the course. But we need to let him decide if he wants to use our help although Mallikarjun made the offer to help. It seems as though the least pressure results in Thomas trying to avoid doing something difficult. And we don’t know for sure if things will work out or if he will stay the course, so Mallikarjun may need to be patient and let Thomas slowly find his way.</b></li>
<li><b style="color: #660000;">Meanwhile Mallikarjun could continue conversations just to check how things are going on this front from time to time without being critical of the pace of Thomas’s progress (however frustrating it may be for us). Instead let us appreciate and praise every small step forward.</b></li>
<li><b style="color: #660000;">It’s best to let Thomas decide when he wants to write the exams <span style="font-size: small;">–</span> at the end of the year or mid-term although we feel mid-term would be better for him. Either way, we’ll only know if such a facility to write the exams mid-term is available, after Thomas visits his school to find out about this.</b></li>
<li><b><span style="color: #660000;">It must be a relief for Mallikarjun to know that Thomas is managing his asthma better now.</span></b></li>
<li><b style="color: #660000;">Thomas seems to be sharing more often about the little things that he likes and how he spends his time. The more he shares the better the relationship seems to be growing between him and Mallikarjun. It must feel good for Mallikarjun to listen to Thomas sharing more. Mallikarjun can continue similar conversations about how Thomas’s week was, simple conversations about football, friends, or how he spends his time.</b><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JcsswDUjcxw/TjUCheeLtUI/AAAAAAAAALs/4p-Ri0RNjas/s1600/5d.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a></li>
</ul><br />
***<br />
<b style="color: #990000;">DHANUSH</b><br />
<br />
Manoj mentors Dhanush, an 18-year-old from Adugodi. They have been meeting over the last four months. (read more in <a href="http://dreammentors.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2011-06-28T14%3A56%3A00%2B05%3A30&max-results=1"><u>an earlier post</u></a>).<br />
<br />
Manoj and Dhanush met a couple of times in the last two months. They also speak on the telephone often. <br />
<br />
Sometime in the previous month, Dhanush had attended a summer camp along with a group of youths from the community centre. Since Dhanush is a senior and also a volunteer at the centre now, he was also involved in organising the event. Dhanush called up Manoj one day and talked about a problem he was facing. Some of the youngsters and children had apparently stopped talking to him after the camp. Dhanush was worried and said he didn’t know what to do. He was not sure what could have caused this. Manoj tried to learn more about the incident to understand what had happened, if the problem was with any specific group or the opposite gender, etc. But Dhanush did not disclose further details. So Manoj just tried to reassure him and explained to him that these things happen sometimes. That it’s best to wait for a while and give his friends some space instead of probing too much. And maybe things will get better with time. He explained that everyone takes time to get over their feelings and maybe Dhanush could try talking to them after a week. Manoj told him that he shouldn’t worry too much.<br />
<br />
After a few weeks, Dhanush came back and reported that things were better now and the friends who didn’t talk to him before had now started talking to him again. Dhanush was feeling much better now.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JcsswDUjcxw/TjUCheeLtUI/AAAAAAAAALs/4p-Ri0RNjas/s1600/5d.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JcsswDUjcxw/TjUCheeLtUI/AAAAAAAAALs/4p-Ri0RNjas/s200/5d.jpg" width="200" /></a>At another meeting, Manoj learnt that Dhanush had started some part–time work during the summer holidays with another centre nearby. When Manoj inquired about the work, Dhanush told him that he was unhappy and found it difficult to work with the youngsters there. He said they would not follow his instructions and he had to keep repeating them since they did not understand them; also, he said, he found it difficult to manage the group. <br />
<br />
Manoj then explained that such ups and downs are normal in every job. Manoj shared his own difficulties in managing his staff. He suggested that since it is just a short period, Dhanush could try for a while and if he still finds it difficult maybe Dhanush can talk to the person in charge and share his problem or maybe ask for a change in role. <br />
<br />
Later Manoj learnt that Dhanush eventually decided to talk to the supervisor and managed to get re-assigned to a different role back at the earlier community centre. <br />
<br />
Manoj felt he had come to the realisation that he was becoming a helpline or outlet for Dhanush now. He also felt he needed to help Dhanush with decision-making.<br />
<br />
<b style="color: #660000;">Reflections from the Group:</b><span style="color: #660000;"></span><br />
<ul><li style="color: #660000;"><b>Manoj is gradually becoming a source for validation and an outlet for Dhanush to vent and share his problems, even if they are just related to incidents around work or at the community centre. And this seems to be strengthening the relationship. </b></li>
<li style="color: #660000;"><b>The incident about his friends not talking to him after the summer camp may have been frustrating and confusing. By listening to Dhanush’s concerns and reassuring him that these things happen and things will eventually get better, Manoj helped him manage his immediate frustration. Gradually things got better with his friends and Dhanush did feel better.<br />
</b></li>
<li><b><span style="color: #660000;">Manoj also helped Dhanush manage his frustrations at his part-time job and put him at ease by letting him know that everyone, including Manoj, faces similar challenges. His suggestions may have helped empower Dhanush to walk up to his supervisor and request a reassignment or change in role. In the end, Dhanush was able to resolve things for himself.</span><br />
</b></li>
<li><b style="color: #660000;">Manoj could continue helping Dhanush through conversations when it comes to decision-making. Perhaps Manoj can gradually try helping Dhanush start to believe in his own capabilities with regard to decision-making or problem-solving, by demonstrating a simple process of brainstorming and trial and error. This way Dhanush could slowly learn to list options or ideas he can think of, with fewer inputs from Manoj. Maybe Manoj can hold back some suggestions and see if he can draw responses from Dhanush and list them as “Dhanush’s ideas” and only towards the end add a few of Manoj’s own points. </b></li>
</ul><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b>Compiled by Jeeno P. Jacob, Programme Anchor — Dream Mentoring Programme | Dream A Dream</b></li>
</ul><i> * Once a month, mentor meetings are organised by Dream A Dream. The session is a forum to discuss challenges and seek support and advice from fellow mentors, senior mentors, and Dream A Dream<br />
<br />
** Names of mentees have been changed to protect their identity and maintain anonymity.</i>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-27258735500906480282011-06-28T16:29:00.001+05:302011-07-10T11:59:10.841+05:30RP-7: Mentoring Stories (from the Reflective Practice Session of May 29)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">This is a collection of stories and updates received at one of the mentor group meetings* at a partner centre in Bangalore. </span></b><br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: inherit;">Some of the topics covered here are likely to be similar to experiences mentors have had with their mentees: mentee not turning up for scheduled meetings; conflict with other youths in the community; financial difficulties; losing someone else’s cellphone; difficulty in getting time alone with the mentee; mentee’s use of rude or abusive language; mentee lying to a parent; mentee declining a request to go out, etc.</span></b><br />
<br />
<u style="color: #990000;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">CHANDAN</span></b></u><b style="color: #990000;">**</b><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-H7IJ7B_nhaY/TgmyBB_VLOI/AAAAAAAAALM/8kZPhJ3XJmg/s1600/4e.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br />
</a></div><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Rc5MLFJhV5g/TgmwNeSIBnI/AAAAAAAAALI/leSbb_8R--g/s1600/4a.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br />
Divakar mentors Chandan, a 15-year-old from NGR Layout, Roopena Agrahara, whose parents are low-wage workers. Chandan cleared his Std. X exams a few weeks ago. Divakar has been meeting his mentee for about three months now. <br />
<br />
In addition to their meetings, Chandan remains in touch over the cellphone, sending a text message almost every day. <br />
<br />
During the initial meetings Divakar focused on conversations around school and studies. Divakar and Chandan usually meet near the high school. At that time, Chandan mentioned that he was unsure of clearing his exams, and that he didn’t know how to go about preparing for them. He was also having trouble with Maths and Social Studies. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-H7IJ7B_nhaY/TgmyBB_VLOI/AAAAAAAAALM/8kZPhJ3XJmg/s1600/4e.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="187" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-H7IJ7B_nhaY/TgmyBB_VLOI/AAAAAAAAALM/8kZPhJ3XJmg/s200/4e.jpg" width="200" /></a>So Divakar suggested ways to plan for the final exams by keeping notes of the chapters Chandan had finished studying and what he had to do during the week. He explained that this would help him keep track of how much had been completed and what remains to be done. Divakar also showed Chandan his own diary, which showed how he planned his own week, and he explained how it had helped him. <br />
<br />
At the following meeting, Divakar was surprised to see that Chandan had taken up his suggestion and had brought along his book with detailed to-do lists for the week. Chandan now seemed much more at ease and confident about his preparations for the exams. <br />
<br />
Chandan also brought along his old class test papers. Divakar noticed that his mentee was doing quite okay in his tests. So he tried to offer him some reassurance and let him know that the tests showed that he was doing okay and there was no need to worry.<br />
<br />
Divakar also discussed Chandan’s interest in painting and sketching, something he was quite good at. Chandan would bring his work to their meetings to show them to Divakar. <br />
<br />
Gradually Divakar noticed that Chandan started sharing even minor aspects of his life. When something bothered him, Chandan would send a message, “I have a problem.” Divakar would then call him back and they would talk about it. Most of the time, they were little things about his day. Once he called to say that his mother would not let him go out and that staying home was boring. Another time, he wanted to go somewhere but was not allowed to wear a particular pair of jeans that he liked because his mother thought he would get it dirty. He was unhappy about it.<br />
<br />
Chandan talked about his high school farewell, how everyone had dressed up, and everyone was crying that day. He then tried to explain to Divakar that it was probably because they wouldn’t be seeing each other anymore or as often as before.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Rc5MLFJhV5g/TgmwNeSIBnI/AAAAAAAAALI/leSbb_8R--g/s1600/4a.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Rc5MLFJhV5g/TgmwNeSIBnI/AAAAAAAAALI/leSbb_8R--g/s320/4a.jpg" width="241" /></a>During his final exams, although they didn’t meet, Chandan would call to report how he did in each exam and they would then discuss the next one.<br />
<br />
Chandan wants to become a police officer. He had noticed the trouble caused by crooked policemen in his area and he thought he should become a better police officer and set things right. Divakar felt that Chandan was quite passionate about this ambition and almost always had a conversation about this at every meeting. So they started working on a long-term plan, listing the steps to get to his goal starting from completing his final exams. <br />
<br />
At a recent meeting, Chandan talked about his difficulties over taking a decision on his pre-university course (PUC). His family was insisting that he take up a commerce combination. But he was unsure. He was certain he didn’t want to take up science but didn’t know what other options he had. And his parents were not really keen on discussing this. So he asked Divakar what he should do. <br />
<br />
Divakar advised him to go by his interest in the subjects offered and also think about which combination would help him get the kind of job he wants. They then discussed different combinations and subjects within the commerce stream. They figured that a commerce course would still allow Chandan to attempt the exams he would need to write to become a police officer. So Chandan decided to choose commerce. But he also managed to convince his parents to let him choose a commerce combination with computer science as an optional subject. Divakar later learnt that Chandan had started getting himself enrolled in a computer course to prepare for this. <br />
<br />
Divakar is happy that he and his mentee share a good rapport. However, sometimes it was tedious replying to constant messages from his mentee almost every day since Chandan would insist on a reply. Once Divakar was at a work meeting and for the first time responded he was busy and Chandan seemed to somehow understand, much to Divakar’s surprise. Interestingly, another time Chandan told Divakar that he should not call after 9 p.m. as his family would be asleep. <br />
<br />
Chandan had asked recently if Divakar could purchase a painting kit for him, so Divakar is not sure how to respond to this request. <br />
<br />
Divakar plans to help Chandan with more information regarding a career in the police force and may be arrange a visit to a police quarters/campus for Chandan. <br />
<br />
<b style="color: #660000;">Reflections from the Group:</b> <br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li style="color: #660000;"><b>It is encouraging to see Divakar and his mentee share a very good rapport from the beginning. Divakar was always available to listen to Chandan. The manner in which Chandan was able to share the little things in his life, his ambition, and his insecurities showed a certain trust that was developing.</b></li>
</ul></div><b></b><br />
<div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li style="color: #660000;"><b>Chandan’s need for sharing and validation seems evident from his need to have conversations with Divakar about simple things that troubled him, for example, his mother disagreeing with him or the incident about his classmates (and him) crying at their school farewell event, etc.</b> </li>
</ul><b></b><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li style="color: #660000;"><b>Divakar had offered helpful validation many times. While discussing Chandan’s difficulties with preparation for final exams, Divakar tried to reassure him about his own ability to plan and prepare for his final exams and encouraged him to try making notes or a plan. By disclosing Divakar’s own need to plan his week ahead, it probably helped put Chandan at ease. By acknowledging that he did well in the test papers Chandan would have felt a little more confident. It would have helped him overcome his feelings about being under-prepared or that he was not good enough to clear the exams.</b> </li>
</ul><b></b><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">Divakar’s conversations with his mentee about deciding a combination for PUC would have helped Chandan get some more clarity about his own thoughts. This also gave him an opportunity to share his thoughts about the decision, because he didn’t really have a receptive audience in his family. It probably would have felt empowering in some way to make or own some part of the decision, like choosing computer science as an optional subject.</b></li>
</ul><b style="color: #660000;"></b><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">There is a possibility Chandan is sometimes displaying an over-attachment or over-dependence because he appears to be constantly needing Divakar to respond over the phone. It’s probably difficult for mentors to set boundaries and explain a mentor’s need for space (for example, when he or she is at work). There’s this fear of losing your rapport with your mentee. However it’s good that Divakar had made an attempt and it seemed like his mentee understood when he said he was busy at work. Perhaps Divakar could continue to try this in small steps and gradually.</b></li>
</ul><b style="color: #660000;"></b><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">Regarding the request for the painting kit, it’s recommended Divakar explore whether there really was a need and why Chandan had approached him. Maybe it would be a good idea to ask him if he had tried asking his parents first and if not why not try that. If that approach failed or he does not talk to his parents and the request arises again, then Divakar would need to explain that the programme does not normally let mentors do this. If he feels compelled, Divakar would need to explain that an exception is being made only because he did well in his Std. X exams and he is a good artist. Otherwise as mentors we may end up encouraging or accommodating many other requests to purchase things in the future.</b></li>
</ul><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
***<br />
<u style="color: #990000;"><b>ABDUL</b></u><br />
<br />
Sandeep mentors Abdul, a 16-year-old from Roopena Agrahara, who recently cleared his Std. X exams and is planning to join a pre-university course in science. He lives with his parents and his father has a small shop near their home.<br />
<br />
Sandeep has been meeting his mentee for about three months now. Sometimes his older son (who is a little older than Abdul) also accompanied him. Sandeep felt that although Abdul comes across as a shy boy, he has gradually started opening up. However, most conversations are still initiated by Sandeep. But Abdul stays in touch by sending him an SMS every two or three days.<br />
<br />
Sandeep learnt within the first few meetings that Abdul was a gifted artist and has participated in events at school. When asked if Abdul could show him some of his work, he was quite open and in the subsequent meetings brought some of his drawings to show Sandeep. When Sandeep asked him if he could sketch a picture of his younger son, Abdul agreed right away and came completely prepared for the next meeting with his materials and drew a very good picture of Sandeep’s younger son. He seemed to take pride in his work and appeared confident of his abilities on this front.<br />
<br />
During the first few meetings Abdul said that he had some difficulty with a few subjects in school, particularly Maths, while preparing for his exams. Sandeep and his older son then offered to help advise him on how to work on certain chapters and they continued this for a few meetings. Abdul eventually did well enough to clear his the exams.<br />
<br />
Abdul wants to become a mechanical or automotive engineer and so he has opted for a science combination for his pre-university course. <br />
<br />
Abdul sometimes helps his father in the shop. It seems as though his father expects Abdul to work with him in the near future. Abdul however seemed to suggest he didn’t much like that idea. <br />
<br />
Another time, Sandeep, along with his family, took Abdul for a visit to a mall nearby. Abdul came in his best clothes and everyone complimented him. They walked together around the mall and then spent some time at the gaming arcade. He seemed to have enjoyed this visit and interactions with Sandeep’s family. He did not appear nervous or uncomfortable as Sandeep had initially thought. <br />
<br />
Sandeep now plans to arrange a visit with Abdul to an automotive dealership/outlet. He also inquired if it would be okay or appropriate to purchase some books or a gift for Abdul or give him financial assistance.<br />
<br />
<b style="color: #660000;">Reflections from the Group: </b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b style="color: #660000;"><br />
</b></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">Sandeep and his mentee were doing well. It was good to know there was a gradual progress in Abdul opening up despite his being a shy boy. The fact that Abdul keeps in touch over the phone every few days seems to suggest the friendship is growing.</b> </li>
</ul><b style="color: #660000;"></b><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">One of the best approaches to build conversations with your mentee is around an interest area and Sandeep did exactly this by encouraging and talking about Abdul’s talent in art and building several activities/meetings around this interest area.</b></li>
</ul><b style="color: #660000;"> </b><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">Sandeep helped Abdul express his insecurities regarding his final exams and identify ways to prepare better for his Maths exam. It helped him become a little more confident about his own preparation. Sandeep and his older son spending time with Abdul to work out Maths problems and keeping aside a few meetings to focus on this before his final exams definitely helped him prepare better.</b> </li>
</ul><b style="color: #660000;"></b><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">Abdul’s sharing his dislike for working with his father at his shop was probably something he could not share with anyone home as it would be looked down upon. So in a way Sandeep became an outlet and offered some much-needed validation.</b></li>
</ul><b style="color: #660000;"> </b></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">While it’s good to expose one’s mentee to new places or experiences (in this case a mall), sometimes it is necessary to set some ground rules so that we don’t build expectations of the mentee. So clarifying that this may not be the same activity for all mentoring meetings (such as a visit to the mall), but maybe once in a while, would be good. It’s better to keep mentoring meetings as simple as possible.</b> </li>
</ul><b style="color: #660000;"></b><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">Sometimes a new place is too much to take in at one go. So a discussion in advance with the mentee on what the activity will be can set expectations clearly and put the mentee and mentor at ease. In this case Abdul was comfortable and there was no negative outcome; nevertheless, it’s best to prepare your mentee.</b></li>
</ul><b style="color: #660000;"> </b><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">Sometimes parents may not approve of such visits outside the neighbourhood and the mentee may need their consent. Sandeep did the right thing by making sure the parents were okay with the visit.</b> </li>
</ul><b style="color: #660000;"></b><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">It’s a good idea to create learning opportunities for Abdul like the plan to visit an automotive dealership. Normally, youngsters say yes to any external visit, but it would be good to first check if he is interested in such an activity and if he understands the purpose of such an activity, how it could be useful. If some ownership of the activity is passed on to Abdul he may learn how to do the same on his own later in the absence of Sandeep. So planning together where to go, identifying showrooms/offices closest to his neighbourhood, and discussing what questions to ask the staff or manager and how to approach them, etc., could empower him. Otherwise, his role gets limited to onlooker or observer.</b> </li>
</ul><b style="color: #660000;"></b><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">It’s recommended that mentors avoid purchasing gifts or offering financial assistance. Certain purchases, if they are inexpensive and related to school or college, could be exceptions but only when there is a need (on a case-to-case basis if the programme permits). Otherwise, as mentors we may end up encouraging dependency. Sometimes we don’t have major problems to solve. Sometimes we are tempted to offer gifts or financial assistance in our effort to do something. But we need to hold ourselves back and ask ourselves: Are we doing this because it’s the young person’s need or is it our need to want to do something good or charitable, our need to solve the problem? We need to let the young person feel empowered, not obliged to us for our generosity. Otherwise we stop being mentors and instead become patrons or sponsors. These young people are not completely helpless; we need to let them know that and convince them that they can take care of themselves. It’s a difficult thing to do, but we must try. In cases where there is a serious need for financial assistance it’s recommended that mentors bring it up with the programme staff and direct the young person to a third party or other organisations.</b></li>
</ul><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
***<br />
<u style="color: #990000;"><b>ALI</b></u><br />
<br />
Vijay mentors Ali, an 18-year-old who lives in Roopena Agrahara with his elder sisters and parents. Vijay isn’t sure but he thinks there may be three sisters. Ali recently completed his Std. X exams. <br />
<br />
During their initial meetings Ali mentioned difficulties with certain subjects and with preparations for his final exams and Vijay offered to help. Ali also shared an interest in becoming a police officer, like one of his uncles, as it would give him some power or authority. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qybWnWbTAEI/TgmzJehWUNI/AAAAAAAAALU/LfJ9ceSP8ok/s1600/4f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="339" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qybWnWbTAEI/TgmzJehWUNI/AAAAAAAAALU/LfJ9ceSP8ok/s400/4f.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: left;">At another meeting Ali talked about his father’s tendency to scold him and use abusive language with him. He seemed quite sad when he talked about this. According to the school staff, there was some history of trouble at home.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VDXN6V_bUak/TgmzvZ2XekI/AAAAAAAAALc/NfhJUPDB6KM/s1600/4g.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VDXN6V_bUak/TgmzvZ2XekI/AAAAAAAAALc/NfhJUPDB6KM/s200/4g.jpg" width="146" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;">However, after the initial meetings, Ali did not turn up for the next three or four scheduled meetings although there were telephone conversations in between. His usual response was that he had forgotten or that he had some work related to the marriage of one of his sisters. Thereafter, he has been unreachable on the phone (used by his father) for a month.<br />
<br />
So Vijay was not sure how to proceed here on.<br />
<b style="color: #660000;"><br />
Reflections from the Group: </b></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">It can be frustrating when one’s mentee repeatedly does not turn up for scheduled meetings. Sometimes youngsters have different priorities at this age; also, they may have chores at home or they may prefer spending time with friends or at work or on hobbies. In such cases, they do tend to forget commitments. Meeting one’s mentor may not be on top of that list of priorities. It takes time for that to develop and most often with more effort from the mentors than from the mentee.</b></li>
</ul><b style="color: #660000;"> </b><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">It has probably caused Vijay some amount of disappointment and anxiety that even after making several attempts to connect with his mentee he is not reachable. Sometimes things happen that are beyond one’s control. Maybe the phone got lost or the number has changed. Maybe it’s difficult to access the phone as his father uses it (considering his account of his father’s behaviour towards him).</b> </li>
</ul><b style="color: #660000;"></b><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">Perhaps the focus now should be on trying to re-connect and find out what happened. Maybe through contacts in the area or school staff or Ali’s batch mates. And see where things go from there</b>.</li>
</ul><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b>Compiled by Jeeno P. Jacob, Programme Anchor — Dream Mentoring Programme | Dream A Dream</b></li>
</ul><i><br />
* Once a month, mentor meetings are organised by Dream A Dream. The session is a forum to discuss challenges and seek support and advice from fellow mentors, senior mentors, and Dream A Dream<br />
<br />
** Names of mentees have been changed to protect their identity and maintain anonymity.</i></div></div>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-84918743168727490122011-06-28T14:56:00.001+05:302011-07-10T11:58:44.126+05:30RP-6: Mentoring Stories (from the Reflective Practice Session of May 22)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">This is a collection of stories and updates received at one of the mentor group meetings* at a partner centre in Bangalore. </span></b><br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: inherit;">Some of the topics covered here are likely to be similar to experiences mentors have had with their mentees: mentee not turning up for scheduled meetings; conflict with other youths in the community; financial difficulties; losing someone else’s cellphone; difficulty in getting time alone with the mentee; mentee’s use of rude or abusive language; mentee lying to a parent; mentee declining a request to go out, etc.</span></b><br />
<br />
<u style="color: #990000;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">MATHEW</span></b></u><b style="color: #990000;">**</b><br />
<br />
Bharghav mentors Mathew, a 19-year-old from Anepalya. Bharghav has been meeting Mathew for about three months now. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OjqWUP0q0SE/TgmcAJ3Y6BI/AAAAAAAAAK0/MInSd-Q2z7Q/s1600/3b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="172" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OjqWUP0q0SE/TgmcAJ3Y6BI/AAAAAAAAAK0/MInSd-Q2z7Q/s320/3b.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Mathew, a school drop-out who works at a two-wheeler service centre, is not interested in academics or in going back to school. He lives with his parents and older brother; his father is a church preacher. He has been coming to the community centre for a few years now.<br />
<br />
In the meetings they have had, Bharghav felt that Mathew seemed to be quite outgoing and they get along well. He seemed very comfortable talking with Bharghav. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hJvUG8zlfxs/TgmcNz-gSmI/AAAAAAAAAK4/_Hiqr1hKGZg/s1600/3a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hJvUG8zlfxs/TgmcNz-gSmI/AAAAAAAAAK4/_Hiqr1hKGZg/s200/3a.jpg" width="167" /></a></div>Although Bharghav was away for a few weeks <b>—</b><span style="font-size: small;"></span> he was getting married <b>—</b> he was in touch with Mathew over the phone. When Mathew lost his phone in the interim, he made sure he called Bharghav and informed him. <br />
<br />
During their meetings, Mathew usually talks about his work and his friends and interests. Bharghav shares updates with Mathew about his family and work. However, Mathew has not talked yet about his family. Nor does he seem comfortable talking about his decision to drop out of school. He seems to be going to church and seems okay with his family’s inclination towards the church.<br />
<br />
Recently, Mathew mentioned that his family was shifting to a new house partly constructed by the government for poor people and slum dwellers. <br />
<br />
Bharghav felt one of the challenges was scheduling meetings, as both their work timings meant they are free only after 6 p.m. He also felt perhaps he needed to meet Mathew more often to catch up on missed meetings last month while he was busy with his wedding.<br />
<br />
<u style="color: #660000;"><b>Reflections from the Group:</b></u> <br />
<br />
<ul style="color: #660000; text-align: left;"><li><b>Bharghav should continue more conversations and meetings in the same manner. It seems as though there is a rapport building between the two already, which is encouraging. It’s nice to see Mathew making an effort to stay in touch with Bharghav.</b></li>
</ul><div><ul style="color: #660000; text-align: left;"><li><b>It’s maybe a little disappointing for Bharghav when his mentee seems very open about one aspect of his life and suddenly closes up when it comes to another. With time, Mathew will gradually start to open up further about his family or his past. So Bharghav needs to be patient. Young people need time to get comfortable enough with someone to talk about family, background, or their past, especially if it’s a troubled past. That is many mentees prefer to talk about the good things and avoid anything that shows them in poor light.</b></li>
</ul><div><div><ul style="color: #660000; text-align: left;"><li><b>Perhaps some thought needs to go into scheduling meetings so that it works out for both parties, maybe different timings with the permission of the centre staff, or perhaps the two could meet on Sundays. </b></li>
</ul><br />
***<br />
<u style="color: #990000;"><b>SOUMYA</b></u><br />
<br />
Priya mentors Soumya, an 18-year-old from Adugodi, who is pursuing her pre-university course (PUC). Priya has been meeting her mentee for about four months now. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PE8_B19JAyA/Tgmc0ua2ycI/AAAAAAAAAK8/-XnLS8VECDw/s1600/3c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PE8_B19JAyA/Tgmc0ua2ycI/AAAAAAAAAK8/-XnLS8VECDw/s200/3c.jpg" width="130" /></a></div>Soumya lives with her parents and older sister in Adugodi and she also has a younger sister who lives with her grandmother in Koramangala. Soumya has been visiting the community centre for many years now and recently started volunteering part-time.<br />
<br />
When she meets Priya, Soumya usually talks about her day, her work at the community centre, or the other activities they organise there for youngsters and children. She seems interested in, and committed to, her studies; she is also keen on improving her English and asks Priya to clear her doubts whenever she is unsure of certain words or sentences.<br />
<br />
Recently they visited a book store and Soumya, who was very comfortable browsing through different books, enjoyed the visit.<br />
<br />
Priya noticed that on some days Soumya appeared really tired. Soumya revealed later that she would skip a meal sometimes as she didn’t like the food at home. However, she would always accept snacks or lunch offered by Priya.<br />
<br />
In another conversation, Soumya told Priya that she had thought in the past of quitting her school and, later, PUC course to start working. At that time, she had heard about a short-term course in hotel management. However, after conversations with others at the community centre, she decided it was not a good idea and changed her mind.<br />
<br />
Priya felt that sometimes there Soumya tended to be introverted. She rarely started a conversation; it was always Priya who did so. Sometimes Priya felt that they would run of out topics to talk about and that she had to always initiate a conversation. Soumya rarely talked about her family or parents or her interests. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_Vig8F7jDTY/Tgmd24EwlDI/AAAAAAAAALE/OSMRHxhZVgg/s1600/3d.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_Vig8F7jDTY/Tgmd24EwlDI/AAAAAAAAALE/OSMRHxhZVgg/s1600/3d.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
It seemed as though Soumya’s mother was the one taking major decisions in the family. Soumya mentioned once that her mother was not keen on her going to college. However, Soumya’s older sister goes to evening college and works part-time at a book store.<br />
<br />
Priya felt sometimes it was hard to get time alone with Soumya as there were small children always around at the centre. But she was happy that Soumya was always turning up for meetings or calling up to check if she was coming, and she showed a lot of interest in meeting Priya.<br />
<br />
<u style="color: #660000;"><b>Reflections from the Group:</b></u><br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b><span style="color: #660000;">It’s true that it can sometimes be a challenge to get some time alone with one’s mentee at the community centre if other children hang around. Nevertheless, Priya can keep trying, perhaps use one of the smaller rooms, or the space by the veranda or the stairs or the other office space nearby.</span></b><b><span style="color: #660000;"> </span><br />
</b></li>
</ul></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">Although Priya leads the conversations most of the time, Soumya shows up for most meetings and looks forward to meetings and follows up with Priya. So she seems interested in spending time with Priya. Sometimes it may be frustrating when you do not receive much feedback from your mentee or your mentee does not open up as soon as you expect. Perhaps Soumya needs some time. Or maybe it’s her nature to be introverted. We may have to accept that and work with what we can. Even then, Soumya still talks to Priya about certain aspects of her life, which is good.</b></li>
</ul><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">For example, Priya could follow up on some of the leads that already exist, such as Soumya’s interest in hotel management or her plans after PUC, her interest to improve her English and her day-to-day updates from college or at the community centre. Sometimes mentees are not sure how their mentors can help. So maybe we have to demonstrate this by bringing up the topic.</b></li>
</ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="color: #660000;">Certain observations such as Soumya’s mother’s opposition to her studying further, her younger sister living with her grandmother, the lack of any mention of her father, and her habit of skipping meals are important. These may be areas that are difficult to talk about at the moment but information related to these areas may come up in other conversations. It will be useful to keep notes about these aspects of her life.</b></li>
</ul><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b>Compiled by Jeeno P. Jacob, Programme Anchor — Dream Mentoring Programme | Dream A Dream</b></li>
</ul><i><br />
* Once a month, mentor meetings are organised by Dream A Dream. The session is a forum to discuss challenges and seek support and advice from fellow mentors, senior mentors, and Dream A Dream<br />
<br />
** Names of mentees have been changed to protect their identity and maintain anonymity.</i></div></div></div></div></div>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-69281783373515750902011-06-28T12:23:00.003+05:302011-07-10T11:58:20.327+05:30RP-5: Mentoring Stories (from the Reflective Practice Session of April 17)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">This is a collection of stories and updates received at one of the mentor group meetings* in April at a partner centre in Bangalore. </span></b><br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: inherit;">Some of the topics covered here are likely to be similar to experiences mentors have had with their mentees: mentee not turning up for scheduled meetings; conflict with other youths in the community; financial difficulties; losing someone else’s cellphone; difficulty in getting time alone with the mentee; mentee’s use of rude or abusive language; mentee lying to a parent; mentee declining a request to go out, etc.</span></b><br />
<br />
<u style="color: #990000;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">DHANUSH</span></b></u><b style="color: #990000;">**</b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Manoj mentors Dhanush, an 18-year-old who is currently pursuing his pre-university course. Dhanush also helps his parents sell vegetables and fruits in the morning. He seems to have been coming to the community centre for the last five years and the centre seems to be his world – he spends most of his free time there.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">For about two months now Manoj has been meeting Dhanush, who comes across as a confident and cheerful youngster. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Dhanush says he wants to become a police officer and he also seems to be preparing for a future career by trying to learn how to use the computer and by attending karate classes at the community centre. Manoj got a sense that Dhanush had a clear idea of what he wanted in life and was driven to achieve it.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">A few weeks back Dhanush confided in Manoj about an incident that had disturbed him. Manoj had planned to meet Dhanush outside the centre for a change but Dhanush declined saying he was needed there and that there had been an incident. Dhanush appeared to be frustrated and upset. When Manoj asked him what was wrong, Dhanush said that a few boys at the centre had damaged some art work owned by his friends. It seemed Dhanush felt responsible for what had happened at the centre as he was a senior youth volunteer there. Manoj was a bit surprised and felt this was a mature and responsible behaviour for an 18-year-old. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i6USyZtQagc/Tgl5SD9RjoI/AAAAAAAAAKo/FsH9Wt2AQEQ/s1600/2a1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="316" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i6USyZtQagc/Tgl5SD9RjoI/AAAAAAAAAKo/FsH9Wt2AQEQ/s320/2a1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Another time, Danush talked to Manoj about his fear of certain boys near his home who tended to get into fights. It seemed to bother Dhanush. However, he did not elaborate.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Manoj felt a good relationship was developing between him and Dhanush and the fact that they could converse in Tamil and Kannada made it easier. Manoj also explained to the mentors’ group that he had lowered his own expectations and consciously tried not to look for problems; instead he just focused on listening.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<u><b style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Reflections from the Group: </span></b></u><br />
<br />
<ul style="color: #660000;"><li><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Manoj was on the right track and should continue conversations and meetings to allow Dhanush to confide in him further about things that trouble him, such as the unruly boys in his neighbourhood or the incidents at the community centre with other young people. These conversations and sharing of confidences are helping Dhanush.</span><br style="font-family: inherit;" /><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></b></li>
<li><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Since Dhanush has shared his ambition of becoming a police officer, perhaps further conversations around this subject could give him more clarity about the way forward or demonstrate that Manoj is available should he need advice or help in obtaining information.</span></b></li>
</ul><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">***</span><br />
<b><u><span style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit;">SHALINI</span></u></b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Prachi mentors Shalini, a 15-year-old from Adugodi who studies in Std. IX. Her father is a plumber while her mother works as a tailor. Prachi has been meeting her mentee for about two months now. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">During the initial meetings, a few friends of Shalini always accompanied her. They played some games or read stories together. Prachi found it difficult to get some time alone with her as there were always other children around.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When Prachi invited her out for a visit to a park close by, Shalini was not willing to go and wanted to check first with her mother. So Prachi offered to talk to her mother, which she did. However, Shalini still seemed apprehensive about going out. So Prachi continued to meet Shalini thereafter at the community centre. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">At one of the following meetings, Shalini mentioned she was unable to sleep at night but did not elaborate. In another conversation, Shalini mentioned she wanted to study to become a doctor. </span><br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><u style="color: #660000;">Reflections from the Group:</u></span></b><br />
<br />
<ul><li style="color: #660000;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s hard when we don’t get time alone with our mentees. At some centres other children do tend to hang around allowing little privacy. But Prachi can continue trying and also attempt to explain to Shalini that they need some time to speak alone. Perhaps talking to the centre staff can help Prachi find a suitable space at the centre that would permits some privacy.</span></b> </li>
</ul><b><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></b><br />
<ul><li style="color: #660000;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">It was good that Prachi tried to understand Shalini’s apprehensions by talking to her and even meeting her mother. It’s normal for children to be afraid of new things and places and even people. And since Prachi and Shalini had met only recently maybe it’s too early for such an activity. Even if these apprehensions persist we should be patient and in time she will feel safer.</span></b> </li>
</ul><b><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></b><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="color: #660000;">Since Shalini did not elaborate on her sleep issues, maybe Prachi could pursue another conversation around this if it comes up again, to see if there is something that’s troubling her.</b> </span></li>
</ul><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">***</span><br />
<u style="color: #990000;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">THOMAS</span></b></u><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Mallikarjun mentors Thomas, a 19-year-old school drop-out. Thomas could not complete his Std. X and had worked part-time for a while. His father is a low wage painter and his mother works with a courier service firm. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Mallikarjun happened to get to speak to Thomas’s mother on the telephone one day while trying to reach Thomas. He learned from the conversation that there were some financial difficulties at home that it could come in the way of Thomas’s education; it could also mean his having to take up a job. However, Thomas hadn’t really brought this up or discussed this with Mallikarjun although he mentioned his interest in finishing school. Mallikarjun told the group that he was unsure what he could do about this.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In another conversation, Thomas revealed to Mallikarjun that he had had an asthma problem for some time and he took medications every day for this. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CLVPCNOeDfw/Tgl5jkE1C4I/AAAAAAAAAKs/2wBrOhaZg00/s1600/2c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CLVPCNOeDfw/Tgl5jkE1C4I/AAAAAAAAAKs/2wBrOhaZg00/s320/2c.jpg" width="277" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Mallikarjun noticed quite a lot of boys, including his mentee, speaking rudely to one another and sometimes using obscene language. However, Thomas never spoke this way with Mallikarjun. He was always polite. So Mallikarjun was not sure if he should talk to Thomas about this.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<u style="color: #660000;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Reflections from the Group:</span></b></u><b style="color: #660000;"><br style="font-family: inherit;" /></b><br />
<ul style="color: #660000;"><li><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Like many other youngsters, there could be possible financial challenges in Thomas’s life that he is yet to talk about openly. Perhaps he will bring them up in related conversations such as his future plans – to work or to go back to school. Such a conversation might provide some clarity of thought for Thomas and demonstrate how Mallikarjun can be helpful, should he need advice.</span></b></li>
</ul><b><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></b><br />
<ul style="color: #660000;"><li><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Thomas’s asthma problem is indeed worrisome. One needs time to accept it so as not to feel awkward or overtly conscious or sympathetic about it. It’s good to have this information now since it gives some insight into his physical well-being. For now, it is suggested Mallikarjun follow up from time-to-time in routine conversations to see if other challenges related to this health condition come up and offer validation where needed.</span></b> </li>
</ul><b><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></b><br />
<ul style="color: #660000;"><li><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes children or youngsters from certain low-income communities we work with tend to be aggressive and speak to each other rudely and use obscene language. It’s a result of what they pick up from their environment and social circles. Sometimes it’s also a need for survival, a need to be accepted in the group. This is also seen in mainstream youth. Social norms and what’s considered acceptable language differ from what we would think of as normal. So maybe we should avoid intervening directly in the conversations between the children or youngsters at the centre unless it gets really out of hand, for instance, if there is a fight. Otherwise it could restrict Thomas’s autonomy. Perhaps Mallikarjun can make inquiries to see if everything is okay and try to understand in case there are any more heated conversations with other youngsters – if he was angry, frustrated, or hurt. It’s also okay to share an honest response if Mallikarjun is surprised by the language. It’s possible that Thomas might then clarify and explain so as not to offend Mallikarjun. The fact that Thomas does not speak to Mallikarjun in the same manner he does with other youngsters indicates he already has a sense of what may be appropriate and what’s not and is able to tell the difference.</span></b></li>
</ul><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">***</span><br />
<u style="color: #990000;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">ANITHA</span></b></u><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Geetha mentors Anitha, a 15-year-old who lives in Adugodi studies in Std. IX. Her parents are low wage workers. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">During one of their conversations Anitha mentioned that her mother scolds her a lot for not doing her household chores properly. She claimed that her mother was never happy with the way she washed clothes and this was upsetting her. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Another time Anitha mentioned her difficulty with maths in school. So Geetha offered to help her with some guidance and they worked on this during a few meetings. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Lately Geetha has had some trouble meeting Anitha as she tends to have other things she has to do. So it has been hard scheduling meetings with Anitha. Despite several attempts Geetha has been unable to meet her mentee for a month. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><u style="color: #660000;"><b>Reflections from the Group:</b></u> </span><br />
<br />
<ul style="color: #660000;"><li><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s true that it can be frustrating sometimes when one’s mentee does not turn up for scheduled meetings or when it’s difficult to communicate as often as one expects. Sometimes the children or youngsters have other priorities within their group of friends or other things come up at home. It may not be intentional. So we may have to keep trying to meet them and let them know we are still available. Sometimes we have to accept that they have other things to do or maybe they are not used to committing to anything like this in the past.</span></b> </li>
</ul><b><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></b><br />
<ul style="color: #660000;"><li><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">The fact that Anitha asked for help with school work in maths and also talked about her disappointment with her mother shows there was a need for some validation and sharing. And Geetha was available for this need. </span></b></li>
</ul><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">***</span><br />
<u style="color: #990000;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">MALINI</span></b></u><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Archana mentors a 15-year-old girl from Adugodi, Malini, who is in Std. VII. Her parents are low-wage workers. Archana and Malini have been meeting for three months now.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Malini was quite active in high school and doing well. She insisted Archana attend a school event she was hosting. So Archana agreed. Archana felt that she shared a good rapport with her mentee.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CD8s7jNlDvU/Tgl5w097wZI/AAAAAAAAAKw/8_Ze2sbW3R8/s1600/2e.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CD8s7jNlDvU/Tgl5w097wZI/AAAAAAAAAKw/8_Ze2sbW3R8/s320/2e.jpg" width="192" /></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;">At a subsequent meeting it seemed Malini was quite upset or disturbed. She revealed that she had lost her uncle’s phone and didn’t know what to do.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Archana tried to talk to her a little more and offer some validation.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">A few weeks later, Malini said that she had managed to talk to her uncle and planned to save some money to buy a phone for him eventually. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">At a meeting close to her birthday, Malini said that she planned to have a birthday celebration and invited Archana. But Archana could not go. Later Malini revealed to Archana that she went out with some friends for her birthday and told her mother that she was out with Archana instead. This was surprising for Archana and so she tried to explain that it may not have been the right thing to do. When Malini was asked why she had done this, she didn’t really say much. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes Archana felt it was difficult communicating with Malini’s mother on the phone when she needed to reach Malini as she speaks in Kannada unlike Malini and Archana who speak to each other in Tamil.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="color: #660000;"><u>Reflections from the Group:</u></b> </span><br />
<br />
<ul><li><b><span style="color: #660000; font-family: inherit;">It must have been surprising and awkward to have learnt that her mentee told her mother she was out with Archana and not with her friends. However, it was good that Archana shared her honest opinion of the incident with her mentee without being judgemental. Sometimes teenagers do tend to find excuses to go out. Since Malini knew her mother approved of Archana, she probably thought it was a good idea. In a way, it’s probably a good thing that she came forward and confided in Archana about it instead of hiding it. </span><br style="font-family: inherit;" /><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></b></li>
<li><b style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It was a good thing that Archana did not directly offer to lend money or a solution when Malini told her about the lost mobile phone, but instead discussed it further, offered validation, and allowed her to find her own solution. </span></b></li>
</ul><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">***</span><br />
<u style="color: #990000;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">RAMYA</span></b></u><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Visha mentors 15-year-old Ramya who lives in Adugodi and studies in Std. X. Her parents are low-wage workers. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Visha’s mentee has not been turning up for scheduled meetings. There is also a challenge sometimes in scheduling meetings as the phone is usually with one of her parents and it’s difficult to communicate because of the language barrier. Sometimes Ramya says she has curfews or restrictions at home.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><u style="color: #660000;"><b>Reflections from the Group:</b></u> </span><br />
<br />
<ul><li><b style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It is frustrating sometimes when one’s mentee does not turn up for scheduled meetings. Sometimes the children or youngsters have other priorities within their group of friends or other things come up at home. It may not be intentional. So we may have to keep trying to meet them and let them know we are still available. Perhaps we can take the help of the centre staff in scheduling meetings if it is difficult to reach the mentee on the phone.</span></b></li>
</ul><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b>Compiled by Jeeno P. Jacob, Programme Anchor — Dream Mentoring Programme | Dream A Dream</b></li>
</ul><br />
<i>* Once a month, mentor meetings are organised by Dream A Dream. The session is a forum to discuss challenges and seek support and advice from fellow mentors, senior mentors, and Dream A Dream</i><br />
<i> </i><br />
<i>** Names of mentees have been changed to protect their identity and maintain anonymity.</i></div>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-50595842974591623522011-06-27T14:56:00.000+05:302011-06-27T14:56:48.488+05:30Meet the Class of 2011<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pHJH0-m1Mqw/TghLClvygII/AAAAAAAAAKc/vXU2rWL6IIs/s1600/a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pHJH0-m1Mqw/TghLClvygII/AAAAAAAAAKc/vXU2rWL6IIs/s400/a.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>A TRAINING SESSION IN PROGRESS</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Earlier this year, in January-February, 36 volunteers underwent training to become mentors for the first time. The training sessions were held at the Rani Sarala Devi School in Jayanagar, Bangalore. Once again, Dr. Dave Pearson and Dr. Fiona Kennedy visited India to facilitate these training sessions for Dream A Dream.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-S4hKs-XVEaU/TghLVTWz0qI/AAAAAAAAAKg/OIsTlKyWcUU/s1600/c.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-S4hKs-XVEaU/TghLVTWz0qI/AAAAAAAAAKg/OIsTlKyWcUU/s400/c.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>THE CLASS OF 2011 WITH DR. DAVE PEARSON AND DR. FIONA KENNEDY.</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Then came the mentor-mentee matching seesions, with 33 volunteers gathering at three partner centres across Adugodi, J.P. Nagar, and Roopena Agrahara. The centres include Makkala Jagriti Adugodi Community Centre, Vishwas (an orphanage that’s part of the Helpline Charitable Trust), and the Round Table School.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MhYEpfVi4Yg/TghLrkYogqI/AAAAAAAAAKk/WtwYaF0Xfuc/s1600/e.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MhYEpfVi4Yg/TghLrkYogqI/AAAAAAAAAKk/WtwYaF0Xfuc/s400/e.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>A MENTOR-MENTEE MATCHING SESSION AT ONE OF THE PARTNER CENTRES. </b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-64577216787113759372011-04-23T19:17:00.001+05:302011-07-10T11:57:55.173+05:30RP-4: A mentor's story -- Should we talk about alcohol consumption?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><b>A RISING NUMBER</b> of youngsters have started consuming alcohol or smoking in their teens or when they are in high school or in college. Alcohol consumption and smoking are now gradually becoming part of social behaviour and part of the urban lifestyle.<br />
<br />
<i> “Alcohol consumption is not appropriate for young people. We should discourage them and advise them not to get into something like that. It will ruin their future. They should be focusing on more important things at this age.”</i><br />
<br />
We hear this a lot.<br />
<br />
The traditional approach to discussing alcohol consumption usually borders on the premise that it’s just not acceptable, it’s inappropriate for that age, it’s immoral or simply wrong or dangerous, and so we end up sounding preachy and talking down to young people.<br />
<br />
There is a counter argument: “A lot of people, including adults, drink, and yet they are not alcoholics. So what’s wrong?”<br />
<br />
So how do you discuss this with a young person without appearing to be patronising or condescending or judgmental? How do you ask a youngster to avoid alcohol when it seems to be socially acceptable and a part of lifestyle he or she aspires to? Should we as mentors even discuss alcohol consumption with the young people we work with? <br />
<br />
Perhaps we need to draw a distinction between consumption and addiction. So when does alcohol consumption reach a stage that it needs intervention?<br />
<br />
Alcoholism or alcohol abuse/addiction is compulsive and uncontrolled consumption of alcohol (despite its negative effects on the person’s health, relationships, and circumstances). <br />
<br />
More and more parents and educators are now shifting the emphasis to awareness of the possible risks involved or consequences of alcohol addiction and substance abuse instead of ‘what’s right and wrong’. In a way, it allows a real conversation without a disapproving tag or tone, allowing youngsters to be more receptive and participate in a discussion and possibly then make an informed decision. In addition, educators also now help with information on ways to detect signs of addiction and options to seek help for rehabilitation if faced with such a predicament (referrals to social workers or counsellors, etc.).<br />
<br />
Alcohol addiction could also result from not being able to cope with challenges in life. It could be a possible escape from current problems or an escape from present circumstances. This is probably why uncontrolled drinking is considered potential high-risk behaviour for youngsters from vulnerable or troubled or underprivileged backgrounds. <br />
<br />
<b>A MENTEE’S ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION </b><br />
<br />
Last year, we came across a story from a mentor at a Reflective Practice Session*. For four or five months, <b>Vikash </b>had been mentoring <b>James**</b>, who lived in a slum community in Bangalore. James is about 15 years old and not too keen on academics although he goes to school. He has a keen interest in sports, particularly football.<br />
<br />
Vikash shared with the group his concern about the fact that his mentee, at this age, was drinking almost every week along with his friends. Vikash felt it was as a result of peer pressure. Vikash also told the group that he had planned an intervention for his mentee. Vikash had access to alcohol-addiction support groups and intended to introduce James to one such group or create one.<br />
<br />
<b>REFLECTIONS AT REFLECTIVE PRACTICE SESSIONS</b><br />
<br />
After hearing Vikash’s story, his fellow mentors appreciated the fact that Vikash had noticed this aspect of his mentee’s behaviour and the fact that his mentee shared this with him meant there was a certain comfort level in discussing alcohol consumption. It’s also good, they said, that Vikash had thought about discussing this with his mentee further and had thought of possible options such as self-help groups or alcoholic support groups. <br />
<br />
The group, however, cautioned him on moving too fast or pushing rehabilitation even before understanding the current situation and his mentee’s perspective on alcohol consumption or even seeking his approval for such an idea. Perhaps there is a need to inquire about external factors encouraging his drinking <span style="color: black;"><span class="text_exposed_show">—</span></span> was there trouble at home? Or was it just a case of peer pressure? <br />
<br />
The group suggested that, before discussing rehabilitation, perhaps awareness or a general open discussion was the immediate need at this stage to confirm if James really understood what alcohol addiction was. At this point we also did not know if James himself saw his alcohol consumption as a problem or knew of the consequences of uncontrolled drinking.<br />
<br />
The group agreed that the topic should be introduced to James with care. Also, care should be taken about the tone used <span style="color: black;"><span class="text_exposed_show">—</span></span> there should not be a disconnect or adverse effect on the mentor-mentee relationship. Such an intervention for rehabilitation (joining a self-help group) is a big step and would need James’s consent and even his family’s.<br />
<br />
If James is not comfortable with a discussion on the negatives of alcohol consumption, then talking about rehabilitation will probably not be possible. Pushing such a conversation may create further distance between mentor and mentee or make James feel as if he were being judged. <br />
<br />
Perhaps it’s better to let the conversation casually revolve around awareness of possible consequences and see if there is an expressed need for help or interest; only then should the intervention/rehabilitation options be discussed, and again, only if the youngster consents to it. We may not be able to change young persons’ behaviour but we may be able to educate them and let them decide what they want for themselves.<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b>Compiled by Jeeno P. Jacob, Programme Anchor — Dream Mentoring Programme | Dream A Dream</b></li>
</ul><br />
<i>* Once a month, mentor meetings are organised by Dream A Dream. The session is a forum to discuss challenges and seek support and advice from fellow mentors, senior mentors, and Dream A Dream</i><br />
<i> </i><br />
<i>** Name of mentee has been changed to protect her identity and maintain anonymity.</i></div>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-55097688832563446862011-04-23T13:39:00.002+05:302011-07-10T11:56:51.930+05:30RP-3: A mentor's story -- When things go wrong<b>SOMETIMES </b>things don’t go the way mentors expect them to. Many outcomes are beyond our control. And it’s hard to accept this because we tend to feel responsible for those outcomes. We ask ourselves: Did we do enough. Could we have done more? <br />
<br />
Despite the best efforts of mentors, a mentee’s decisions may be contrary to what was advised or what one thought was in his or her best interest. And we end up trying to push things harder or jump in to the rescue, as parents do. It’s hard to let go and accept.<br />
<br />
In other cases, circumstances may have influenced the mentee’s decision although he or she knows it may not be the best one. <br />
<br />
Children who are rehabilitated and live in shelter homes or orphanages, or who come from troubled vulnerable backgrounds or households, face many challenges. Some run away if they are unable to cope with challenges or changes in life. The idea could be to escape from current problems or from present circumstances. <br />
<br />
Last year, we came across this story related by a mentor at different Reflective Practice Sessions*. <br />
<br />
<b>EARLY DAYS</b><br />
<br />
<b>Christine </b>had been mentoring <b>Sita**</b> for about two years since she was in Std IX (high school). Sita had been rescued and brought to a shelter home at a very young age. She lived most of her childhood there. Her father had been looking after her younger siblings. Her parents were separated. Her mother had moved away and abandoned the children when they were very young. She has an elder sister who was married but she was not in touch with her. <br />
<br />
Sita’s father died while she was in high school. Sita had been close to her father so his death affected her. Christine noticed that Sita, in conversations, seemed to dislike the mention of her mother. Sita had doubts or suspected that her mother was involved in the father’s death over some property dispute. She had mentioned several times that she hated her mother. Although she did not say it explicitly Sita seemed to suggest her mother was a sex worker and she did not approve of her. <br />
<br />
For some time her younger sister lived with her at the orphanage. Later, when her mother took that sister away, Sita was unhappy. <br />
<br />
Christine continued to meet Sita for several months and she seemed quite ambitious about her education and career in nursing. Sita did well at school and moved up to Std X. <br />
<br />
<b>THINGS CHANGE, SITA LEAVES THE ORPHANAGE</b><br />
<br />
One day, Christine learned that Sita had left the shelter home to visit her hometown and had not returned despite being away for weeks. The staff at the centre was concerned about a change in her and believed she did not want to continue school any more. They believed that she was being troubled by a boy in the neighbourhood, that he was harassing her. <br />
<br />
Christine felt it was also not in Sita’s nature to skip school as she was a good student and quite ambitious about completing her Std X. Christine therefore tried to contact Sita through her mother and uncle. Sita had apparently decided to stay with her mother in her hometown. <br />
<br />
When Christine spoke to Sita on the phone, she said she was unwell and had been in hospital for a week and so she had decided to stay with her mother for some time. There seemed to be a change in her attitude towards her mother. It seemed her mother had been visiting the shelter home over the last few months and had committed to taking care of Sita. Christine also felt there could possibly be a rift between Sita and the staff at the shelter home (there had been a change in staff at the shelter home). <br />
<br />
Christine found it strange that Sita would now want to stay with the mother who had not visited her for many years; in fact Sita had always maintained that she didn’t like her. So Christine was concerned that this was an inappropriate decision for Sita and she began wondering if Sita had been manipulated by her mother.<br />
<br />
In her telephone conversations, Sita told Christine that her mother had committed to take care of her and that there was no need to come back, that she could stay with her and join a school in the village. <br />
<br />
By this time the shelter home staff had taken the episode quite badly and distanced themselves from Sita. They tried reasoning with her mother for a few months to persuade Sita’s mother to let Sita stay on till her exams were over, but to no avail. <br />
<br />
<b>ATTEMPTS TO RE-CONNECT</b><br />
<br />
A month later Christine and Sita agreed to meet for a function at her home to mark her father’s death anniversary. Christine, along with a Dream A Dream staff member met at her home and also met her mother and two siblings. <br />
<br />
During Christine’s conversations with Sita’s mother, it seemed as though she wanted Sita and her little sister to return to the shelter home as she may not be able to support them. This seemed strange or contradictory to what Christine had heard from the shelter home. According to Sita’s mother, it was Sita who refused to go back to the shelter home and to her school. She said she was now trying to find some work to be able to enroll Sita in a school nearby, but she did not know of any school that they could afford. <br />
<br />
In a separate conversation with Sita, Christine learnt that the reason she did not want to go back to the shelter home or to school was because there was a boy in the neighbourhood or near the school who has troubling her. It seems there had been some verbal exchange or obscene comment or proposal to do with a love interest. Apparently conversations and gossip around the episode had spread at the shelter home and at her school and this had made things more difficult for her. She was afraid it would bring a bad name to her and her family. <br />
<br />
Christine continued to talk to her about the episode and tried to offer some validation and also explained that such episodes are common in a girl’s life and perhaps one needs to confront them and move on. <br />
<br />
Christine also tried to explain to Sita the merits of continuing at the shelter home and at school until her Std X exams are completed (cost of education, difficulty in transferring to other schools without collecting a TC or transfer certificate, and catching up on missed portions). However, Sita maintained that she would not come back. On asked if she wished to continue her schooling at a later stage, she seemed unsure or reluctant to talk about it. So Christine discussed other options in order to persuade her to continue her schooling in some form (for example, looking for a government school or an affordable private one near her home, so that she could still stay with her mother and siblings). Christine also discussed the aspect of collecting her TC from the earlier school and explained how some schools insist on this document in order to be admitted mid-year.<br />
<br />
Sita mentioned that there were plans to move in with relatives who lived near Sarjapur. She said that her uncles and cousins had told her they could help get her into a school in their village. Her mother, however, was uncomfortable with the idea of sending her to live with her relatives. She said that her relatives had not been very supportive for many years and had isolated them or treated them badly. She also said it was not good to send a grown girl to a relative’s place.<br />
<br />
Sita agreed to think about her options. Christine offered to help accompany her for any related work. Sita seemed sad and angry at different points during the conversations; sometimes she would just be staring at the floor. <br />
<br />
<b>THINGS START TO SLIP AWAY</b><br />
<br />
A month went by. Sita had gone to visit her mother’s family in their hometown and she made inquiries about joining a school there. Several attempts to contact Sita failed. Christine kept following up with Sita’s uncle and learnt she planned to visit the shelter home in connection with some paperwork. The staff at the shelter home also informed Christine that Sita’s mother would need to meet the school authorities regarding the leave of absence or meet them (shelter home staff). Christine passed this information on to Sita’s mother and uncle.<br />
<br />
Most of the time, when Christine attempted to contact Sita, her mother and uncle would say she was unavailable or out for some work. Christine found it increasingly frustrating not being able to speak to Sita directly.<br />
<br />
A month later Christine eventually managed to speak to Sita and learnt that she had started working at a small factory nearby. Sita seemed quite content for a while and continued to remain in touch over the phone. <br />
<br />
Not long afterwards, Christine learnt that Sita had quit her job over some disagreement with a fellow worker. She then seemed more inclined to continue her schooling and was trying to make some arrangements in this regard. Christine managed to meet her and discussed at length the situation and tried to offer some validation and support.<br />
<br />
One day, out of the blue, Christine received a call from a distressed Sita saying she wanted to leave home. Christine started to worry and tried to make arrangements to meet her right away but Sita then changed her mind. She did not talk again about the episode. Christine also started thinking of referrals to other shelter homes if Sita needed a place to stay. But further attempts to speak to Sita have not been successful. Nor has Sita attempted to reach Christine. <br />
<br />
Christine later learnt that Sita had left home to move in with her grandmother and plans to continue to live there. <br />
<br />
<b>REFLECTIONS AT REFLECTIVE PRACTICE SESSIONS</b><br />
<br />
After hearing Christine’s story, fellow mentors agreed that this was definitely a difficult series of incidents and situations. It must have been frustrating to not be able to help or speak to her mentee for long intervals. Most mentors agreed that despite the outcome, Christine had done the best she could as a mentor and appreciated her for constantly following up and checking up on Sita. They encouraged her to try to be positive and hopeful of a good outcome. They told her that, sometimes, we have to let go and accept the situation. Certain things are beyond one’s control.<br />
<br />
The group agreed that Christine had done the right thing by discussing the possible options Sita had and offering to support her (schooling, career) whatever her decision.<br />
<br />
In further discussions, there was a consensus that Sita was probably conflicted or confused and unable to take decisions as she constantly had multiple problems to deal with at a particular time and her circumstances were changing constantly. There were too many changes over a short period, too many for a 15-year-old to handle:<br />
<br />
<ul><li>Choosing between a parent and siblings vs. staying on at the shelter home and continuing school.</li>
<li>Her suspicions about her mother’s intentions vs. the need for a mother’s affection or a ‘home’.</li>
<li>Continuing school vs. working to earn some money for her family and the need to protect her siblings and provide for them.</li>
<li>Dropping out of school and preserving her self-image vs. confronting the boy who troubled her or confronting her peers at the orphanage.</li>
<li>Sticking on for a few months at the job and earning some money vs. avoiding confrontation with co-workers.</li>
</ul><br />
Christine noticed there was a lack of desire in Sita to confront problems and try to overcome them. There was always a tendency to avoid confrontation and take the easy way out. This was really frustrating for Christine and made her angry sometimes as she always tried to help Sita with constructive suggestions. The group tried to reassure Christine that none of Sita’s actions were intended to make Christine frustrated or angry. This was probably Sita’s own approach to dealing with problems in her life and the only way she knew how to. What was positive was that, at each stage, Sita shared a connection with Christine and confided in her. However, yes, it was unfortunate that things did not work out and we couldn’t help her overcome these situations.<br />
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The group suggested that this was probably a result of the pressure of having to deal with multiple problems at the same time, causing chaos in Sita’s life. The group also tried to reassure Christine that perhaps it was best to give Sita some space and let her make up her mind. And when she needs help, just be there in whatever capacity she can. If Christine is unable to continue, then it’s okay to look for closure and move on. <br />
<br />
As mentors you could have faced, or may face, similar situations. Situations that do not have perfect solutions. Situations where the mentee does something contrary to the preferred way of dealing with a problem, resulting in unexpected outcomes. We just have to learn from them and move on.<br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b>Compiled by Jeeno P. Jacob, Programme Anchor — Dream Mentoring Programme | Dream A Dream</b></li>
</ul><br />
<i>* Once a month, mentor meetings are organised by Dream A Dream. The session is a forum to discuss challenges and seek support and advice from fellow mentors, senior mentors, and Dream A Dream</i><br />
<br />
<i> </i><br />
<i>** Name of mentee has been changed to protect her identity and maintain anonymity.</i>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-77267451423215248832011-03-19T12:49:00.013+05:302011-07-10T11:56:09.623+05:30RP-2: A mentor's story -- Dealing with a runaway mentee<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>What should a mentor do when her mentee, a young girl, flees home </i></span><span style="color: black; font-size: large;"><span class="text_exposed_show">—</span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><i> where she had been deeply unhappy </i></span><span style="color: black; font-size: large;"><span class="text_exposed_show">—</span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><i> and gets married? Here, one mentor shares her experience</i></span></div><br />
<b>CHILDREN </b>and youngsters face diverse kinds of challenges in the early part of their lives and as they grow up. There are cases where youngsters run away from their homes, or from the institution or centre caring for them. How they cope with the situation can also influence <span style="color: black;"><span class="text_exposed_show">— positively or negatively </span></span><span style="color: black;"><span class="text_exposed_show">— </span></span>the decisions they take later on in life. Often the presence of a mentor or friend can help them deal with the situation.<br />
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Last November, we came across one such story from a mentor at one of the Reflective Practice Sessions* and we discussed it again at a refresher training meet in January.<br />
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For about a year, Geetha had been mentoring Priya**, who came from a partner centre in Roopena Agrahara. Priya had failed two subjects during her Class X exams but had rewritten and cleared those exams. She was hardworking and ambitious and she was very keen to go to college. With the help of her brother and uncle she eventually managed to gather funds to pay for her tuition fees and started attending PU college.<br />
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Geetha learnt through her conversations with Priya that her father was abusive and caused trouble at home: he was an alcoholic who would come home drunk most days. There were constant fights between the parents. To get away from this disruptive environment and to be able to focus on her studies, Priya moved in with her aunt for some time.<br />
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Priya was often sad and she had few friends. She always talked about being unhappy over her home situation and said that she felt the need for someone like Geetha to talk to as there was no one else.<br />
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<b>FOR MORE THAN A MONTH</b> Geetha had been unable to speak to Priya. She tried to contact her but every time she was told Priya was not there or had gone to her native place. Eventually she learnt from Priya’s mother that Priya had run away from home. This came as a shock to Geetha as she had not heard from Priya about this decision.<br />
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In order to understand the situation Geetha paid a visit to Priya’s home and learnt that she had run away from home and moved in with a boy and they had got married. Priya’s mother claimed that Priya was being tortured and held against her will and that they had filed a police complaint. When the police summoned Priya’s family and the boy’s family, Priya insisted that she did not want to return to her home. A week later Priya’s mother claimed she got a call from her saying she wanted to come back. Her mother insisted that the boy was uneducated and belonged to a local gang. She also said she was worried about her daughter's welfare. She claimed the boy had threatened the family and influenced the police and she insisted that Geetha persuade her to return to her family.<br />
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This left Geetha extremely worried and confused. She was unsure how to proceed. Should she make an effort to rescue Priya or should she seek help from the police or other organisations? Was she in danger?<br />
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Geetha thought about it and decided to first gather more information, establish contact with Priya, and hear her side of the story. She spoke with Priya's former school principal with the help of Dream A Dream staff. He acknowledged that he was aware of the situation but did not want to interfere because it seemed as though Priya had willingly left home.<br />
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Geetha managed to find the address of the boy (with whom Priya was allegedly involved) and she set out to visit the boy’s home to understand the situation. This was a difficult task as Geetha was unsure how the boy’s family would receive her and wondered if there would be trouble, as Priya’s mother had warned.<br />
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However, she managed to meet Priya without any difficulty. Priya and her new family welcomed her. Geetha managed to find some time alone with Priya to check if she was fine and safe and had anything to share or needed any help. Priya assured Geetha that she was very happy there and had chosen to leave home on her own will. She could not cope with the troubles at her home and needed a way out. That’s when her boyfriend came into her life. The family members of the boy were warm and welcoming and extended their hospitality to Geetha. Priya now plans to get legally married in a year (she has yet to turn 18) and, in the meantime, continue with her PU studies.<br />
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<b>AT THE</b> reflective practice session in January, after sharing her story, Geetha talked about how relieved she was now knowing that Priya was safe. She also expressed relief at having been able to establish contact with her mentee again. Perhaps moving out was the best solution for Priya because she had been unhappy at home where her parents were always fighting. It’s therefore understandable that she would take such a step. Regardless of the change in Priya’s life, Geetha said she was committed to continue remaining in touch to support and mentor her when needed.<br />
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Fellow mentors validated what Geetha may have felt: the anxiety of not knowing whether her mentee was all right and the frustration at not being able to take suitable action. They agreed that they would have felt the same in similar circumstances and they said it was understandable why Priya would go down this road given her challenges at home and the circumstances.<br />
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They also agreed that as a mentor Geetha had taken the right approach by confirming the facts of the story and going out of her way to locate Priya and ascertaining if she needed support and offering to be there for her. That would definitely have been one of the few validating or positive or non-judgmental interactions Priya would have had with an adult after leaving home. Most family members would have been very critical of her decision. Sometimes difficult situations at home do cause children to run away and sometimes children are afraid or ashamed to talk about them.<br />
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In this case Geetha’s visit to her new home and offer of support and understanding would have helped Priya cope with the situation and move on. Perhaps there will be new challenges in life after marriage revolving around Priya's relationship with her husband and in-laws, or, perhaps, concerning her continuing education, where Geetha could continue to mentor her, although Geetha does wonder if she will be able to continue meeting her considering Priya’s changed circumstances.<br />
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<b>AT SUBSEQUENT</b> reflective practice sessions, Geetha talked about how there were times when she wondered if this had been the right decision for Priya and how this would affect Priya's life. Also, Geetha said, there were times when she wondered if she had done enough as a mentor. These doubts do linger.<br />
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Most of us would think the best course for Priya or any girl today would be to finish college, find work, and then get married. But, unfortunately, early marriages are common in semi-rural areas and among the urban poor and the slum population in Bangalore, sometimes due to compulsion by family and sometimes as a normally accepted practice.<br />
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Eloping is also commonplace. It’s usually something teenagers are driven to do as they feel there is no other option; sometimes they see eloping as an escape from other challenges or troubles at home. It’s less likely to be as a result of not thinking it through. Young people are more intelligent and mature than we usually give them credit for.<br />
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Perhaps the best we can do is try to help or educate the youngsters about making life decisions and the possible consequences. After that, we need to let them take the most informed decision, although the outcome may not always be in our control or preferred by us. We need to learn to let go at some point and let them decide what they want for themselves. Either way, as a mentor you would have played your role. And it doesn’t end there; when difficulties arise you will continue to be there. For many of us this will be difficult. But that is the crux of mentoring. To be able to accept our mentees no matter what their history or background or decisions they take and still be there for them.<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b>Compiled by Jeeno P. Jacob, Programme Anchor — Dream Mentoring Programme | Dream A Dream</b></li>
</ul><br />
<i>* Once a month, mentor meetings are organised by Dream A Dream. The session is a forum to discuss challenges and seek support and advice from fellow mentors, senior mentors, and Dream A Dream.</i><br />
<i> </i><br />
<i>** Name of mentee has been changed to protect her identity and maintain anonymity.</i></div>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-5583816228180812562011-03-18T16:54:00.006+05:302011-07-10T11:55:40.391+05:30RP-1: A mentor's story -- Coping with tragedy in the mentee's family<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>Helping a mentee to deal with a traumatic episode, such as the death of a parent, is a huge challenge for mentors. Here, one mentor shares her experience</i></span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i> </i></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>CHILDREN</b> and youngsters face diverse kinds of challenges in the early part of their lives and as they grow up. When we hear some of the stories shared by mentors we also come across challenges such as dealing with personal tragedies or challenges that include loss of a parent, marital discord, domestic violence, alcoholic parent, etc. Mentors try to help their mentees cope with these challenges. In many cases it is a tough responsibility and a demanding experience for mentors.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The loss of a family member is a particularly difficult time for anyone. This is more complex in the case of a child if the deceased person is the sole earning member of the family. Besides the loss of a loved one, it adds pressures and stress – who will now take the decisions concerning livelihood, finances, education, and many other issues? Dealing with the uncertainty that comes from that situation is sometimes overwhelming for children. How they handle the grief, how they cope with the situation can also influence the life decisions they make.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A mentor or friend can often offer support through the grieving process and help one come to terms with the situation. </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Sometime last October, we came across one such story from a mentor at one of the Reflective Practice Sessions* and we discussed it again at a refresher training meet in January.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Deepali has been mentoring Pramila** from one of our partner/community centres in Adugodi for almost two years. Pramila, who was doing very well in school and whose parents have been supportive of her wish to study further, is pursuing her pre-university course in a Bangalore college.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Things changed dramatically for Pramila after her father passed away. Deepali visited Pramila’s home the same week. During her visit she realised Pramila was trying not to display a lot of emotion so that she could be strong for her mother. There were discussions going on at home about whether Pramila should continue studying or start working as her father’s job was their only source of income. Deepali then spoke with Pramila’s mother and explained that it was important for Pramila to continue her studies since she was capable of doing well and it would help her in the future. Pramila’s exams were scheduled for the same week, unfortunately, and she said she did not want to write them and needed Deepali’s help to talk to her principal. Deepali agreed and accompanied her to the principal’s office. </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><br />
WHILE</b> sharing the story, her feelings, her sense of helplessness and her concerns for her mentee, Deepali broke down in tears. After taking some time to recover, she continued. Deepali then told the other mentors that she had had a similar experience when she lost her mother a few years back. She shared her story and talked about how she could relate to Pramila’s situation.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">At this point, fellow mentors offered validation and agreed that they could relate to her feelings and the situation. They also agreed that this was a very challenging time to play the role of a mentor because anyone would feel overwhelmed in such circumstances. They reassured Deepali that she had taken the right step in terms of her being there for her mentee. It’s probably not easy for someone who loses a family member to explain the situation to others (in this case, school authorities and teachers) and Deepali certainly helped by accompanying Pramila for the discussion with her principal.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The mentors then explained to Deepali that it is natural to feel the way she did. That everyone goes through such a phase when there is a loss in their own family or that of a friend. But as much as she wants to help Pramila and be strong for her, it was also recommended that Deepali gives herself time to come to terms with the situation and talk it over with someone close. Most of us are not prepared to deal with such a situation and there may not be an immediate solution or support we can offer as mentors right away apart from being there for the mentee and sharing the grief.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The group of mentors also suggested that perhaps the immediate step is to let all parties come to terms with the situation, grieve, and vent their feelings. This may take a month or a couple of weeks. So just being there to listen to Pramila was the best thing that could be done at the moment. Perhaps discussions about Pramila’s future could come later when Pramila was ready and there are different options that can be explored later. For now, it is good to keep in touch with her family and continue visits to keep track of the situation.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Pramila eventually went on to write her exams and is pursuing her final PU exams this year. Her mother is now supportive of her desire to study further. Pramila has plans to complete a college degree and earn her own living. Deepali continues to mentor Pramila and is currently helping her through decisions regarding a college degree and career options.</span><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b>Compiled by Jeeno P. Jacob, Programme Anchor — Dream Mentoring Programme | Dream A Dream</b><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></li>
</ul></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i><br />
* Once a month, mentor meetings are organised by Dream A Dream. The session is a forum to discuss challenges and seek support and advice from fellow mentors, senior mentors, and Dream A Dream. <br />
<br />
** Name of mentee has been changed to protect her identity and maintain anonymity.</i></span></div></div>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-34688637581836369892010-09-27T16:32:00.001+05:302010-09-27T16:33:05.865+05:30THE RTE ACT: What do we know so far?<i>This is the first of a series of blog posts on the RTE Act that will discuss developments around the Act and the related challenges.</i><br />
<br />
The RTE act is considered one of the major milestones in development in India in recent times alongside the Right to Information Act. The Right of Children to Free and Compulsory Education Act (RTE) came into force in April 2010 in India. The Act ensures the government and community are legally obligated to offer free and compulsory education for children between 6 and 14 years of age, making elementary education a fundamental right of every child in India.<br />
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The efforts to improve primary education in India have been growing in the last 10 years. Different national and state level policies have focused on primary education. These include the ‘Sarva Shiksha Abhiyan’ and the State level initiatives and the mid-day meal schemes. In five years between 2000 and 2005, India increased primary school enrolment overall by 13.7 per cent. However; there were an estimated eight million 6- to 14-year-olds in India out-of-school in 2009 as per UNICEF.<br />
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A lot has been written and debated in the media about the RTE Act, its merits, its inadequacies, the opposition to the Act or specific provisions, the challenges or uncertainty of implementation by the government. It’s important that we, as those working in the area of child/youth rights and development try to understand fully the RTE Act and its implications. Although the legislation places the responsibility on the government, ensuring its compliance also rests with each of us and our communities.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B5swhe20Ii8/TKB45-IH5rI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/nzydP1mHqak/s400/RTEimage.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr align="right"><td class="tr-caption"><i>Photograph courtesy Indianewscast</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B5swhe20Ii8/TKB45-IH5rI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/nzydP1mHqak/s1600/RTEimage.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><b>SOME KEY FEATURES OF THE RTE ACT IN BRIEF</b><br />
<ul><li>Free and compulsory education to all children of India in between 6 and 14 years of age.</li>
<li>By free, it means no direct (school fees) or indirect costs (uniforms, textbooks, mid-day meals, transportation) till elementary education is completed.</li>
<li>No child shall be held back, expelled, or required to pass a board examination until completion of elementary education.</li>
<li>If a child above six years of age has not been admitted in any school or though admitted, could not complete his or her elementary education, then, he or she shall be admitted in a class appropriate to his or her age.</li>
<li>All private schools to reserve 25% of seats to children from poor families to Class One.</li>
<li>Prohibit all unrecognised schools from practice.</li>
<li>Prohibit donation or capitation fees; no interview of the child or parent for admission.</li>
<li>Provision for special training of school drop-outs to bring them up to par with students of the same age. </li>
<li>An amendment was made to include provisions for children with disabilities until 18 years of age.</li>
<li>Provisions for improvement in quality of education in government schools including need for adequate professional degree for teachers within five years; infrastructure improvements in three years; and<br />
improvement in teacher-student ratio.</li>
<li>Financial burden for implementation will be shared between state and central government.</li>
<li>Will apply to all of India except the state of Jammu and Kashmir.</li>
<li>The Act sets up an autonomous body, the National Council for the Protection of Child Rights (NCPCR) to monitor the implementation of the Act.</li>
<li>Schools shall constitute School Management Committees (SMCs) comprising local authority officials, parents, guardians and teachers to monitor the utilisation of government grants and the school environment.</li>
<li>RTE also mandates the inclusion of 50 per cent women and parents of children from disadvantaged groups in SMCs.</li>
</ul>For more on the features of the RTE Act, do visit<br />
<a href="http://www.education.nic.in/"><u><b>Ministry of Human Resource Development</b></u></a> <br />
<a href="http://www.indg.in/primary-education/policiesandschemes/right-to-education-bill"><b><u>India Development Gateway</u></b></a> <br />
<a href="http://www.unicef.org/india/education_6144.htm"><u><b>The Right To Education: Frequently Asked Questions</b></u></a><br />
<br />
<ul><li><b>Compiled by Jeeno P. Jacob, Programme Anchor — Dream Mentoring Programme | Dream A Dream</b></li>
</ul>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5084734065790502611.post-6359986895445663952010-09-26T20:11:00.000+05:302010-09-26T20:11:19.901+05:30RECOMMENDED READING-2 1. <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/201009/healthy-enabling-and-the-good-enough-relationship"><u><b>"Healthy Enabling and the Good Enough Relationship"</b></u></a> discusses a couple of scenarios in relationships, how we 'enable' or 'rescue' or 'dis-empower' the other person as parents or partners: <br />
<div style="color: #134f5c; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><blockquote style="color: #134f5c; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">"... Healthy enabling would consist of openly acknowledging that fact, and working together to develop transparent strategies for correcting the situation that do not disempower or control the person, allowing them to work it out on their own, while simultaneously lending passive support. </span></blockquote><blockquote><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">"The unhealthy enabling found in 'good' relationships, on the other hand, is not about allowing, but about rescuing. It is an active response to negative circumstances that fosters the conditions for those circumstances to recur.</span></blockquote><blockquote><div style="color: #134f5c; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">"If your 22-year-old son gets tagged with his second DUI [Driving Under the Influence, the American legal term for drunken driving], do you hire a lawyer to get him off the hook by using his (alleged) post-Iraq PTSD [post-traumatic stress disorder] as a foil, or do you let him confront the natural and logical consequences of his actions and walk through the process of his accepting responsibility for those actions with him? Unhealthy enabling would suggest the first option, while healthy enabling would suggest the second."</span></div></blockquote><br />
2. In <a href="http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/booster_shots/2010/06/teenagers-alcohol-drinking-parenting.html"><u><b>"Parenting style influences teen drinking patterns, researchers say"</b></u></a>, the <i>Los Angeles Times </i>reported that a survey by researchers at Brigham Young University, published in the <i>Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs</i>, showed links between drinking habits of adolescents and their relationship with their parents. An excerpt:<br />
<br />
<blockquote><span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">"... They found the kids least prone to heavy drinking who had parents who scored high on accountability (knowing where their kids were and with whom) and warmth. Having so-called "indulgent" parents, who were low on accountability and high on warmth, nearly tripled the risk of the teen participating in heavy drinking. The study also found that "strict" parents — high on accountability and low on warmth — more than doubled their teen's risk of heavy drinking. These results were apparent even when researchers controlled for other influences, such as peer pressure, religious and economic background."</span></span></blockquote><br />
3. A research paper by Dr. Zainab Fotowwat Zadeh and Sonia Mairaj Malik of Pakistan's Bahria University showed how specific elements of drawings of children reveal emotions and that it can be a medium to regulate emotion. <a href="http://www.ejop.org/archives/2009/05/expression_of_a.html"><u><b>"Expression of Aggressive Tendencies in the Drawings of Children and Youth Who Survived the Northern Pakistan Earthquake"</b></u></a> was published in the European Journal of Psychology. The study focused on the presence of aggressive tendencies in the drawings of children who survived the quake from Sahara Children Academy (Mallot Tehsil) and Surbuland at District Bagh. An excerpt:<br />
<br />
<blockquote><span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">"The results displayed in Table 1 and 2 indicate the presence of aggressive tendencies among these children with straight lines as the most frequently occurring indicator among both genders. The presence of aggressive indicators in these drawings thus verifies the association of reactive aggression indicators in the drawings of children with the history of trauma. The impact of environment and natural disasters is clearly seen among these children as their drawings revealed their anger. Emotional indicators, long arms, and powerful hands as well as teeth occurred significantly more often in the drawings of the aggressive children than in the drawings of the shy children.</span></span></blockquote><blockquote><div style="color: #134f5c; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">"...on the basis of the findings of the present study it can be safely concluded that drawing is a powerful tool to measure aggressive tendencies in youth who have difficulty expressing their feelings in words, or who may have problems expressing themselves either due to language barriers or due to any other inhibitions related to cultural norms for both the genders."</span></div></blockquote><br />
4. The findings of a research paper by Shahe S. Kazarian from the American University of Beirut, Lamia Moghnie from the University of Michigan, and Rod A. Martin from the University of Western Ontario, were consistent with the view that parental warmth and rejection might contribute to the development of particular styles of humour, which in turn may contribute to later happiness and well-being. An excerpt from <a href="http://www.ejop.org/archives/2010/08/perceived_paren.html"><u><b>"Perceived Parental Warmth and Rejection in Childhood as Predictors of Humour Styles and Subjective Happiness"</b></u></a>:<br />
<br />
<blockquote><span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">"Taken together, these studies suggest that positive and negative humour styles may play an important role in the link between the individual’s core self-concept, developing in the context of early parenting experiences, and later well-being. Individuals who experience warm and accepting parenting and develop more positive self-standards and adaptive self-schemas may consequently develop more beneficial and less detrimental humour styles, which in turn may further enhance social relationships, increasing self-esteem and general well-being.</span></span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">"In contrast, early experiences of more rejecting parenting and development of more self-critical and maladaptive core schemas may lead to development of more detrimental and less adaptive humour styles, which in turn result in less positive relationships, increased depression, and lower happiness, self-esteem, and well-being. Overall, then, these findings contribute to a growing body of evidence suggesting that humour styles may be one pathway by which early parenting experiences and self-concept development may influence later well-being."</span></span></blockquote><br />
5. A research paper by Kim R. Edwards and Prof. Rod A. Martin from the University of Western Ontario shows there is a distinction between ability to create humour and using humour in every situations and that there is a greater link between the latter than the former to psychological well-being. An excerpt from <a href="http://www.ejop.org/archives/2010/08/humor_creation.html"><u><b>"Humour Creation Ability and Mental Health: Are Funny People More Psychologically Healthy?"</b></u></a>:<br />
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<blockquote><span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">"The results indicated that neither the CCT nor the FSHCT was significantly correlated with any of the psychological health measures, suggesting that the ability to create humour (either in response to frustrating situations or in cartoon captions) is not associated with well-being. A possible explanation for this finding is that individuals who have the ability to create humour do not necessarily use this ability in their daily lives in health-enhancing ways (such as in times of stress, interpersonal tension, etc.). It is also possible that humour creation ability may be correlated with other well-being variables that were not explored in the present study.</span></span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">"... The second major objective of this study was to explore the relationships between humour styles and humour creation ability. We expected that individuals with higher scores on each of the humour styles would be better able to create humour which other people find funny. In support of this prediction, humor creation ability, assessed by the FSHCT, was significantly and positively correlated with all four humour styles. This finding provides further validation for the HSQ, indicating that individuals with high scores on each of the four humour styles tend to be skilled at creating humour, regardless of whether they use their humour in beneficial or deleterious ways....</span></span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">"... Moreover, this finding provides additional support for the notion that humour creation ability, by itself, is not necessarily advantageous for mental health. Some persons have the ability to be very funny but use their humour in detrimental (e.g., aggressive or self-defeating) rather than beneficial ways (e.g., affiliative or self-enhancing). Consequently, the manner in which individuals use humour in their daily lives is more important to mental health than how funny they are able to be. </span></span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">"... In summary, the present findings provide additional evidence that the way humour is used is more important for well-being than is the ability to be funny. These findings have important implications for humour-based interventions. For example, our results suggest that such interventions should place less emphasis on training clients in the ability to generate humour, and more emphasis on examining the ways they use it in their daily lives, increasing their use of beneficial humour styles and decreasing their use of detrimental styles. In turn, experimental investigations of such humour-based interventions would be useful for determining the direction of causality in the associations between humour styles and psychological well-being."</span></span></blockquote><ul><li><b>Compiled by Jeeno P. Jacob, Programme Anchor — Dream Mentoring Programme | Dream A Dream</b> </li>
</ul>Ramesh Prabhuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02486157390007892496noreply@blogger.com0